Paging Doctor Belikov
by Mathilde.1988
Summary: Rose loses her parents at a young age, raised by Alberta her life is filled with struggles. But when her heart fails her, death seems to be inevitable.
1. How it all began

**This is a small chapter of Paging Dr. Belikov (All Human). Most of it will be in RPOV, some third POV (giving it a try) and eventually DPOV. Heads up, it might not be a fairy tale at the beginning but I do believe in happy endings. IMPORTANT: ****First I will finish Professor Hathaway!**

**Some things might not go like how they would in real life but it is a fanfiction!**

**Rose loses her parents at a young age, raised by Alberta her life is filled with struggles. But when her heart fails her, death seems to be inevitable.**

**I do not own any rights to the vampire academy… They belong to Richelle Mead**

**My Grammar may not be perfect but hopefully, you will like the story! If you have you nothing nice to say I suggest you read something else! Otherwise, enjoy ;)**

**RPOV**

Once upon a time, there was a princess somewhere living in a country far far away from here. It isn't me though that's for sure, cause my life isn't a fairy tale it is far from it. My name is Rose Hathaway I used to able to do whatever I wanted. I am not talking about money, I am content with what I have even if it isn't much. When I was 4 years old my parents died in a car crash leaving me in the care of my godmother Alberta Petrov. She did the best she could, struggling but nonetheless I couldn't complain. A roof over my head, food on the table and clothes to wear. I didn't really know her well at the time but it was stated in the will of my parents that she is my guardian.

At the age of 23, I met the person I wanted to give my heart too, well that is what I thought at least. The night he was going to introduce me to his family he broke up with me. He went from a kind, caring and loving boyfriend he always was too a cold and emotionless one. His words were _'I have an important job to do, you are distracting me, making it hard for me to focus. It is better for us to go our separate ways so my job can become my number one priority again.'_ As much as I tried to hide it that day as soon as I got home I cried my eyes out. For a heart surgeon that specializes in fixing your heart, he did a good job of breaking mine. It took me a week to finally drag my ass out of my apartment. Doubting myself every second, thinking maybe he had every right to do so. I mean I am simply a cashier I am not even earing half of what he does every month. Could he have been embarrassed by that? That his family wouldn't approve of him dating someone like me. But he always spoke so fondly of them, it just doesn't make sense.

* * *

Well, life has a funny way of throwing more shit my way then I can handle. What's it called again? Oh yeah, Murphy's law! I don't like the fellow very much.. Two weeks later I lost my job. I wasn't able to find a new one soon enough so I got evicted out of my small apartment two months later. I didn't have a buffer or savings were I could pay rent money from. In all honesty, I should have seen it coming, Nathan is a complete douchebag. That he always was checking me out is one thing but forcing himself upon me, that is just disgusting. He said that instead of money I could pay him by having sex with him. After I told him exactly what I thought of that he threatened to sue me. Surprise surprise, claiming I am the one sexually harassing **him** throwing myself at him any chance I got.

But I am not going to let that bring me down, I simply see it as a way to start over. Calling Alberta I asked her if she still was in contact with Celeste. She is one of her nieces, I hadn't heard from her for quite some time but she had offered me once that I could come live with her. The number I had of her seemed to be disconnected which I thought was odd. Unfortunately, she hadn't spoken to her for quite some time. Something about a bad break up that had caused her to have a disagreement with her mother. So she had distanced herself from the rest of the family as a result. Her son Dean, however, texts her regularly, he lives in Phoenix Arizona for some time now. He knew a place for me to stay and had a suitable job for me where I could start right away. I didn't go into detail about what really had happened I simply told Alberta I needed a change of scenery. I initially moved to Washington to have more independence. Building a life for my self, have a steady job, my own home and to fall in love.

* * *

ThirdPOV

That same day a man sat in an empty apartment regretting everything he said. Scared, that is what he is, never had he fallen in love so deeply. The only thing that made sense at the time was to push her away. But now it is too late he can only hope that she will find happiness. Little did he know that things for her were only going to get worse.

Despite everything that happened a wise woman sat in her chair seeing a vision of the future making her smile. When the time comes she can only hope that both of them will choose the right path.

* * *

**RPOV**

So I literally drove to Arizona with my Honda what is a bloody awful drive if you ask me. It took me in total 1 day and 10 hours to get there. Well minus the few hours I slept in my car. I stopped to rest at one of those parking lots along the highway that truckers use. It wasn't very comfortable to sleep in my car but I didn't want to waste money on a motel for a night. Once I arrived at my desination Dean introduced me to the owner of the little diner with the name St. Vladimir's. They had an opening in the kitchen which was perfect for me. His boyfriend Shane works in the kitchen as a chef, luckily for the guest the only plates I will be touching are the ones being washed.

Two months later however they replaced me with a 16 years old which was fine by me. Cause I quickly found another job at the local supermarket as a cashier. But even when I thought my life was starting to look a little brighter the darkness had seeped in. Bit by bit without me knowing everything started to become more complicated. Turns out that my heart had literately been broken….

**To be continued...**


	2. January

**Thank you for your patience, following the story! It took me a bit longer to upload Professor Hathaway so I thought why not post a second chapter.**

**Some things might not go like how they would in real life but it is a fanfiction! **

**I do not own any rights to the vampire academy… They belong to Richelle Mead**

**My Grammar may not be perfect but hopefully, you will like the story! If you have you nothing nice to say I suggest you read something else! ****Otherwise, enjoy ;)**

**Chapter 2 Paging Doctor Belikov, January **

I am not feeling good at all, I might be experiencing the beginning of a cold or food poisoning. Could have sworn that the expiration date of the tuna was two days from now. Having a bit of shortness of breath, shivering a lot, yeah definitely the start of a cold. Getting out of bed I stretch my sore muscle by putting my arms above my head. A little bit woozy I stumble to the bathroom, really haven't slept well I kept needing to pee in the middle of the night. Brushing my teeth I don't think much of until I get a good look of myself in the mirror. 'HOLY SHIT!' the bluish discoloration of the skin around my lips shocks me. Turning on the light I see that I am more pale than usual. Shrugging it off I feel like it could be because of the strange weather, it has been a little chilly outside. Low blood pressure could also be the cause I just need to keep an eye on it. Using a bit of foundation on my face I look a lot better now only a bit of lip gloss, Voila!

At the end of the week, my colleague Mia had enough so demanded I go see a doctor. So now I am sitting at the doctor's office waiting for my name to be called. Studying the people around me I see a woman who is clearly about to pop. Or she is having twins cause her baby bump is huge! Next to me is sitting mister nose picker who still hasn't run out of buggers. Even though it grosses me out that he is eating them at least he isn't wiping them off under his seat. Naggie Nancy is asking the assistant every 2 minutes were the doctor is. If she rings that bell one more time I am going to throw it at her head. '_Rose Hathaway_?' oh thank god! A nurse in her mid-forties is standing there looking around the waiting room. Getting up a bit too fast I feel my legs sway a little but manage to stay upright.

Following her through the hallway she stops at a door all the way in the back then tells me to take a seat. '_Doctor Olendski will be with you shortly if you can fill out this form in the meantime.' _Looking at it I gulp a bit when I see the big section with questions about my health insurance. So stupid I should have thought about this before going here. I just have a basic one which should cover the visit to the doctor's office. Thankfully I was able to get one via work or else I would have been screwed right now. Unless I get fired at this one too, ok seriously stop it Rose things are starting to look up. Stay optimistic, everything will be fine! The doctor will walk in tell me I am silly, prescribe me some Advil or Tylenol end of story.

* * *

'_Hello, Rose is it?, My name is doctor Olendski, can you tell me your…'_ the doctor looks up from the clipboard I filled in earlier. Silence, she just stands there looking at me with a worried expression on her face. Muttering something under her breath she sits down behind her desk. Typing in a few words she stops turning her head towards me '_How long have you been having these symptoms, Rose?'_ When a doctor turns serious like that it isn't good. Is there something I missed or didn't see in the mirror this morning? Besides the fact I no longer am wearing make-up other than that not much has changed, right? Well, it is not like she saw you this past week, I scold myself feeling a bit stupid. 'Well uhm, for three weeks now I have been feeling a bit off, you know. Like I am about to become sick but I didn't think much of it.' Swallow loud as I feel my cheeks heat up a little. Pinching the bridge of her nose she looks a bit frustrated from my answer' _Is there a history of Ebstein anomaly in your family? It is a rare heart defect in which the valve between the upper right chamber and the lower right heart chamber doesn't work properly.' _Blinking a few times I am pretty sure I heard her wrong. My heart is fine, I hope.. Sure my heartbeat has been abnormal sometimes but I haven't been exactly stress-free lately. Feeling a sob trying to escape my throat I am very close to my breaking point. The room feels very small all of a sudden making me feel very uncomfortable.

My parents died in a car crash when I was 4, at that age, I am lucky to even remember if they ever had a bad cold. 'I uuh, I uuuh don't know' with a croaky voice I try to keep it all together. '_Why I am asking you this is because a few weeks ago I had a patient with the same symptoms. Only the difference is that it was an infant, it isn't uncommon however for it to manifest at a later age. But it is hereditary making me wonder if one of your parents might have had it. Don't want to jump to any conclusions so I am going to refer you to a cardiologist here in Arizona._' Well, this doesn't sound good at all but she can still be wrong. Feel my hands tremble '_There they are going to do an ECG to look for irregularities.' _It becomes harder to breathe, getting nauseous I run to the nearest bathroom. Throwing up this morning's breakfast still doesn't calm the unnerving feeling in the pit of my stomach. Sitting on the floor I pull my head between my knees and cry praying everything will be ok.

* * *

Holding the piece of paper in my hands with the number of the assistant on it of Dr. Ozera I grab my mobile. But every time my fingers type in the numbers I end up deleting them again. So instead of calling I go back to work what turned out the be the worst idea ever. Of course, I am stubborn, but it just feels so unreal how a person can have so much bad luck. It isn't until the third day that I finally made an appointment for the following day. Another day off work, something I really can't afford at the moment with the bills stacking up. Living on my own doesn't come cheap, the utility bills, the unexpected car repairs. Just hoped that if I ignored it long enough it would fade away, groaning I am rubbing my eyes out of frustration.

I really hate hospitals, rather avoid them at all costs but sometimes you don't have much of a choice. Ever since Dimitri I hate them even more, or is it because I am going to see a cardiologist? So here I am at the Vista Medical Center to see Dr. Ozera. The waiting room is filled with people sitting together with their loved ones. It hurts hearing them say reassuring words, holding hands to let them know they're here for support. A couple sitting across from me reminds me of how he used to comfort me. Stroking a stray lock of hair behind her ear, kissing the palm of her hand. Tears start to prick in my eyes, suck it up Rose this is how it is going to be! '_Miss Hathaway'_ looking up I see a nurse dressed in pink with platinum blond hair scanning the room. Her jade green eyes land on me, sighing I get up to make my way over to her 'That will be me!' Smiling she holds out her hand, grabbing it she shakes mine as I mumble my own name. '_Vasilisa' _she then introduces herself with a chirpy voice.

Trying her best to explain everything my mind drifts to other things. How am I going to tell Alberta this? Should I even inform her what is going on? She is been having trouble with her health. They found that she has arthritis, which hit her hard seeing as she always loved gardening. Since Alberta retired from being a teacher her garden has been her baby. It might be best just to keep this to myself I don't want her to worry. Stepping into the examination room the nurse and doctor seem to be on friendly terms. Doctor Ozera is a very beautiful woman, her raven black hair, piercing blue eyes make you forget about the scar on her left cheek. Smiling she gestures for me to take a seat '_Miss Hathaway_' automatically I correct her 'Please call me Rose'.

'_Ok, Rose, Dr. Olendski has sent me your medical records. According to her findings, she has the suspicion you have Ebstein Anomaly._' There it is again, that awfull name, I googled it what I shouldn't have done cause not all stories have a happy ending. After explaining that there are several ways of testing this theory, nurse Vasilisa escorts me to another room. The first thing they are going to do is an **ECG** were they put electrodes on my chest. It will allow them to measures the timing and duration of my heartbeat. After that, they did an **x-ray **that will give them a good picture of my heart, lungs and blood vessels. The one I hate the most is the so-called **stress test** what will give them an idea of how my heart responds to certain exercises. Ultimately it helps them to see what level of physical activity is safe for me. The easiest one is a **pulse oximetry** test. With this test, she attached a sensor to my finger so the doctor can measure the amount of oxygen in my blood.

* * *

Sitting in the leather recliner I have been staring out the window for days now trying to compose myself. More tests followed after the first ones it had all but sealed my fate. My worst fear is confirmed, my heart is indeed enlarged, several heart functions have decreased. So not only do I have this stupid decease I need surgery as well. How on earth am I going to pay for this! Cause to my absolute horror the nurse informed me that my insurance doesn't cover this kind of procedure. FUCKING FANTASTIC! I am going to either need to have my valves repaired or replaced. If I don't do it, well then I have a year maximum to live still. I keep asking myself the question, is it worth it? The answer that seems to win is no, what is the point? What if I do this surgery but they find something else? Screaming out of frustration I grab the first thing I can get my hands on. Smashing the lamp against the wall it breaks into a million pieces.

Dropping to the floor I bump into the filling cabinet what makes one of the picture frames fall to the ground. Picking it up I see my parents smiling at me 'God mom, Baba I really wish you were here to help me..' The list of complications is making my brain bleed. One of the worst on there is the chance to get an infection. Well if that happens I only have one option left and that is a donor's heart.

But I made up my mind, I am going to at least try I am not giving up yet!


	3. February

**You all have been so patient with me, thank you! I want to see if I can post a chapter together with Professor Hathaway.**

**Thank you PosionedAngels for offering your help that is very kind of you.**

**I do not own any rights to the vampire academy… They belong to Richelle Mead**

**My Grammar may not be perfect but hopefully, you will like the story! If you have you nothing nice to say I suggest you read something else! Otherwise, enjoy ;)**

**Chapter 3 Paging Doctor Belikov, February**

I will probably have to pay off my debt until the day I die but it is worth it, right? At least they can't say I didn't try although I am so not looking forward to the surgery. I shudder when looking at the complications written in the folder they are making my head spin. It explains when replacing the valves it can be done by either using mechanical valves, human donor valves or tissue valves. Not that the doctor didn't tell me about this already but I didn't really pay attention. You see their mouths move but it all sounds like jibberish. With every new piece of information, you only have more questions. What if I wake up during the procedure, that would scar me for life. So many stories are being told about people experiencing things they shouldn't have it terrifies me.

But back to the information in the folder, what was I talking about again? Oh yeah, valves, the first type I talked about is really remarkable they are made out of carbon, metal or plastic. Last a lifetime well most of the time you never know what happens of course. Downside of them is that you have to take medicines all your life to prevent blood clots. What is kind of spooky is that sometimes they make a ticking sound. I can always say that I swallowed my alarm clock if it ever happens. Or would that make them think it is a bomb inside of me, yeah awkward much? Most more common are of course the human donor valves they only last 10- 20 years so need to be replaced again. But of course they are not easily found, it's not like you can knock on someone's door. Excuse me, sir, can I have one of your heart valves mine seem to be broken.

They probably will call the cops on me or worse think I am high on some weird drugs. Did you know they come in different sizes? If body parts just were like pieces of Lego you could just order replacement parts online. That would make things so much easier, unfortunately, they are not. The upside of donor valves is that you only have to take blood thinners for 3 months after the surgery is done. Taking the pills will lower the risks of a clot-related stroke or embolism. This is a blockage caused by fat, air, blood or other gas inside the blood vessel. Also, it makes no weird ticking sound and of course looks more natural. Not that I would check or anybody would notice as it is inside of you after all. But it is something they tell you while comparing it to the other valves. It is the same for the tissue valves but those are made from animal tissue. Pretty amazing isn't it, who would have thought it would be possible.

With a repair they make a large incision in your heart in order to do this they have to stop your heart for a moment. Scary isn't it? They use a certain ring to support the damaged valves but when it is beyond repair they will replace it. See why it is making my brain bleed? In order to know what procedure they have to do they first need to open me up.

* * *

Well, today I am getting ready my stomach is rumbling since I can't eat 8 hours before the surgery takes place. Ugh, I could so eat a chocolate donut, brownies, pepperoni pizza... Mmm, it all sounds so good to me heck I will even eat a granola bar even though I don't like them. They also asked if I am pregnant what made me laugh. You first have to have sex before that can even happen! I am pretty sure that I am the only virgin in the room. Across from me is grandpa toothless, seriously have no idea what he is saying. How his wife even knows what to do is amazing but he is really sweet to her. He keeps smiling at her lovingly, stroking her cheek every time she leans into his side. I do know that her name is Barbara, 72 years old, she and grandpa toothless have been married for 45 years! Holy crap! That is a very long time if you ask me. We also have "mystery" guy behind curtain number one on the right of me. The only reason I know it is a guy is because the nurse calls him by name. '_Reginald_', in my imagination his two front teeth are sticking out. His hair is combed to the back with tons of gel in it to keep every hair in place. I bet he has several top hats in his closet for every occasion.

I am currently dressed in the latest hospital fashion this particular number is blue, open at the back. Ok kidding it is one of those ugly hospital gowns, I have an empty bladder (for now) the nerves, however, made me pee a lot. The anesthesiologist stopped by to explain that they will put a tube through my mouth. Just a heads up when I wake up that I don't freak out. Pretty sure I will anyway but then again I first have to see how it goes not that I have any experience with it. When I am able to breathe on my own again they will take it out. Thank the lord that I will be under complete anesthesia. Imagine seeing them rip open my chest, the thought alone makes me shudder.

Glad that Lissa is my nurse so that I will have at least one familiar face when waking up. A few times she stopped by just to check how I am doing. Make small talk about some random topics taking my mind off everything. Hours talking about how her fiancée Christian proposed to her. Will, I ever experience that? They dream of having lots of children together. She showed pictures of their first date at the Zoo because she loves animals. Tears started to roll down my cheek when she talked about the first time he met her family. How protective her parents are since they barely survived a car crash. Cried even harder after hearing that, she apologized but I told her she didn't need to. How could she have know mine were in one too only they didn't survive like hers.

* * *

I am in the ICU at the moment hooked up to several Iv's, a catheter also the tube is still inside my throat. They keep adjusting machine until I am fully cable to breathe again myself. Apparently yanking the thing out doesn't sit well with your lunges. Waking up in the recovery room I was panicking luckily a nurse was by my side in a flash. Sound of the heart monitor beeping, other noises coming from the hallways. Everything was overwhelming, to say the least giving me an overload. I have my own room now probably pitying me for not having a family member visiting me. The raindrops seem to have a calming effect as they tap against the large glass window. Holding their picture a tear rolls down my cheek wishing my mom and dad were here to comfort me. You hear stories of people who wake up after an anesthetic feeling emotional well I can definitely relate now. '_Miss Hathaway, I see you are properly awake now, as doctor Ozera explained they had to replace the valve. Taking the prescribed medication will help to keep things under control. This also includes the ones that you have to take for your heart condition. '_

Unfortunately, I have to stay in the hospital for 7 days so they can monitor me. Heart rate, temperature, blood pressure and my vital functions have to be stable first. Once this is the case I will be transferred to a normal hospital room. The list of things I need to do keep being added to, how in god's name will I pay for it all. I am supposed to be relaxed but I am only getting more stressed. In my head I see one of those cash registers were the receipt keeps growing with every word they say. After quite a discussion with doctor Ozera, we found a middle ground we both can live with. Once a year I promised I will go to the hospital to have a check-up. If anything happens or seems off I have to go to doctor Olendzki no buts or maybe's. We have to see about that of course but anything to get her off my back. She is not happy with my decision but I have no other way of doing this.

* * *

On the day of my discharge, I got a list from Doctor Ozera about what physical activities I can do. Also, I have to pay attention to things when I am at home. Such as redness, swelling, bleeding or drainage of the incision they made. It will be my battle scar, just have to make up a cool story how I single-handed fought of vampires. That at the final moment when it clawed open my chest I managed to stake it with my silver stake. Then woke up in the hospital having to need surgery because of all the damage the creature has done to me. Well, that sounds like a great story for a book but I highly doubt someone will believe me it really happened.

Back to reality again, I will experience some weakness in my arms or legs so I need to be careful. No heavy lifting the first 6 weeks, no grocery shopping, vacuuming or lawn mowing. Upside of it that I don't have a lawn that needs to be mown so easy peasy. The second one, however, is going to be difficult cause I need to eat every day. Since the studio has a wooden floor I can use a broom to clean instead for the time being at least. A little white lie -cough- they advise not to be by yourself the first 7 days -cough-. My neighbor screaming at her dogs during the day counts right? There is also that I can't drive, thank god I came to the hospital by bus or that would have been a disaster. Then the awkward talk about sex, the medication will cause my lady parts to be dry. That really sucks cause my imaginary boyfriend and I just thought about taking the next step. Too bad for him guess he has to sleep on the couch tonight cause no way I can handle seeing his sexy body. Have his sculpted chest against my back as he whispers sweet things to me. My hands would be all over him, hah! With the pain I am experiencing the first thing on my mind isn't sex.

What am I forgetting, oh a different diet is necessary, eating things that are low in sodium is required. Also, I have a bracelet now with information about my condition. So if I ever pass out or anything people will know what to do or say to the 911 operator.

* * *

Sitting on my couch all I can think of is how alone I feel. I put up a brave face but in all honesty, I don't know what to do. My chest still is really sore, crying even hurts, going to the freaking toilet is hell. No matter how many times I tell myself everything will be alright it is not as effective as someone else saying it. It might be wrong but the person whispering it in my ear I imagine it to be Dimitri. With his Russian accents telling me things will get better, that I am strong. For a minute I pretend he didn't say those words to me that it was all just a nightmare. Laying wrapped up in his strong arms as he is consoling me when I am crying. Even if it is a lie it gives me something kind of comfort, I have to face the fact that I will be never over him.

I had to give up my job at the supermarket cause I couldn't handle it physically. In the beginning, it was clear that they need someone fulltime who is able to handle being by him/herself. Even the smallest walk wears me out within minutes and takes hours to recover from. I did try in the beginning to sit behind the register all the time but it became hard to focus. Never seem to get my life back on track, there is always something that forces me to pull on the handbrake. Always need to put a lot more effort into achieving things than other people. My joints hurt so bad, I am sweating severely during the night so I need to wash my sheets regularly. Lost a big amount of weight making me more fragile. But that's to be expected to undergo a surgery like that I guess.

* * *

At the end of the month, things have started to go right for once can really say I am proud of myself. I found a new job thank god, it was quite the struggle even had to sell my car. Somehow had to come up with the rent money don't want to lose my little studio. Work as a receptionist at the local gym were people are very friendly. It also allows me to exercise a little with proper guidance from one of the trainers. Only light duty so only half days instead of fulltime. When they close I help out sometimes with cleaning the equipment at my own pace. Recently I started working at night which gives me plenty of time to start the day slowly. Time goes significantly faster since it is busier than during the day. Also, I met someone, well I made a new friend, his name is Mason he is a guard at the mall. He comes in every Tuesday, Wednesday to work out. I enjoy the typical banter between the two of us also a little bit of flirting from time to time.

'_Rosie Posie, are you here again to admire my handsome face?'_ rolling my eyes I try to hide the smile that is starting to appear on my face. Sticking out my tongue at his comment it makes him laugh 'I think it is you who comes here just to see my amazing body'. Wiggling his eyebrows he flexes his muscles '_You got me there, I do like the look of __**myself**__ in the mirror_' glaring at him only makes him laugh harder 'Ass!' Walking towards him I put a little extra sway to my hips was results in him gulping 'Soooo lover' I purr in his ear 'How is Miss Mia doing?' Groaning he rubs his eyes probably feeling frustrated. He has tried to get her attention, give her compliments only to have Mia ignore him. She and I started to hang out again, it was a nice surprise when she texted me asking how things are going. After that, we went to the shopping mall bumping into Mason. Then he tried to make a move to impress her by jumping off the escalator only to trip over his own feet. But that didn't mean she doesn't like him, caught her many times babbling about him. Asking me what I think of him, or a jealous look on her face when he says something sweet to me.

* * *

Today is going to be his lucky day cause I finally managed her to admit she has a crush on. Her phone number is burning a hole in my pocket since Sunday. '_So what do you say Hathaway, want to keep my handsome self company at the movies?'_ tapping with my finger on my chin I pretend to think only to shake my head no. He looks hurt by my rejection until I place a piece of paper in his hand. Mason's eyes widen '_She..she.. this is not a joke right? _not wanting to be cruel this time 'Nope, Mia told me to give it to you.' From that moment he is on cloud nine humming along with songs being played on the radio.

Grinning I am happy that at least one of us is getting lucky…


	4. March

**I do not own any rights to the vampire academy… They belong to Richelle Mead**

**My Grammar may not be perfect but hopefully, you will like the story! If you have you nothing nice to say I suggest you read something else! Otherwise, enjoy ;)**

**Chapter 4 Paging Doctor Belikov, March**

The feeling of getting a cold is back, I am at the point of right on the edge but not quite there. Very frustrating, the first time I got a bit worried but it went away eventually. So I assume it is going to be the case this time as well. Only difference is that the cold shivers are getting worse. Guess I need to get some antibiotics from the pharmacy today. Checking myself in the mirror I can't believe how pale I am these days. Like a good girl I take the majority of the medication, the doctor prescribed me. Using some mouth wash to rinse away the taste of vomit out of my mouth I am ready to go.

Groan loud, who am I kidding my body hurts, my clothes are still soaked from sweating so much while sleeping. Sometime during the night, I took off all my clothes hoping to cool down only making me shiver. Like my body can't make up its mind, hot, cold, hot, cold, hot, cold wished it will just pick one. Frustrated I turn on the shower only to wake up naked on the floor with a splitting headache. Seriously hate my life right now! Crawling to my bed I take some Advil then snuggle back underneath the covers.

* * *

Waking up later on at least my head feels a bit better not my body though I think it got worse. Looking at the alarm clock I see I slept for freaking 14 hours! I have several missed calls from Mia, an unknown number, one from my coworker Cassie. Think it is best to call in sick for the rest of the week cause it isn't getting any better. Not left with many options I know there is a free clinic several blocks away. Putting my hand over my mouth I feel bile rising in the back of my throat. Swallowing it with much effort I feel disgusted but relieved I won't be hanging above the toilet bowl. Ready to go outside my bladder decides I still need to pee. What is strange is that flu symptoms didn't have me worried. It is the blood I see in my urine that freaks me out. With the weight loss, I didn't have much of a period so to see lots of it now frightens me.

Pull yourself together Rose I mutter, Alberta always said '_that __hardest times often lead to the greatest moments of your life._' Dressed in sweatpants, a hoodie I step into the bus. Lots of people are staring at me probably thinking they are seeing a ghost. Maybe if I yell boo one of them will get up so I can sit down. Or I can apologize for sneezing saying it is only contagious if you breathe it in. Since I can't drive a bus I don't think it is a good idea to do that. Finally arriving at my stop it takes me a few minutes to find the clinic. My knees are giving out on me so I collapse at the front entrance. Groan seeing the line, just need to suck it up while waiting for my turn. Having difficulty to get back to my feet a pair of strong arms help me. I recognize him it is Christian, Lissa's fiancée looking at me with worry. Did she tell him about me? '_Rose! Stay with me! Rose!_' everything is getting blurry swaying I pass out, guess he does know me.

* * *

My eyelids are heavy opening them I am staring at icy blue eyes. Feel something covering my mouth, nose my eyes widen '_It is giving you extra oxygen you passed out. We are on our way to the hospital Rose you need medical attention._' Shaking my head no I pull down the mask a bit 'I can't, don't have the right in… in..' swallowing my throat it is very dry. I struggle when he puts back the mask, from the corner of my eye I see another nurse holding a syringe. Panicking I try to push them away only to see I am strapped to a gurney. My head is getting foggy before slipping away I manage to say 'Dammit Sparky' I swear I saw him smirk.

Waking up I take a deep breath, looking around I try to pull out the IV only a large callous hand stops me. For a second my heart starts beating faster not daring to look at the person attached to it. He isn't supposed to be here! '_Hello Miss Hathaway, my name is doctor Zeklos'_ it is not Dimitri, not him.. I let out a sigh of relief... '_you were rushed into the ER. I am afraid you have subacute Endocarditis, this is a very aggressive bacteria.'_ My walls just crumble as I am sobbing uncontrollably clinging on to a person I don't even know. He gently rubs my back trying to soothe me only I don't stop. If only it gets worse, the first time receiving affection even in a friendly way makes me crave more. A voice in the back of my head reminds me of how alone I am...

* * *

He truly is a patient man, I am pretty sure that I have been crying non-stop for the last 20 minutes. My face is covered with snot, eyes are puffy the only thing I feel now is emptiness. '_I have good news and bad news, unfortunately. The good is that we will be able to treat the infection. For the next 6 weeks, you will need to take antibiotics. However the first 4 weeks it has to be done in the hospital.'_ He calls that good news? I still see a hospital bill with too many dollars signs in them. Bracing myself for the bad news I imagine a large hand holding mine. Whispering soothing things to me in Russian telling me everything will be ok. '_We discovered_ _it has done severe damage to your heart valves. Meaning that they have to be removed and replaced by a prosthesis. Then we need to put temporary pacemaker wires in case of cardiac arrhythmia.'_ Staring it at him there is only one conclusion my brain makes from hearing this new information, **you are doomed**. 'Let me get this straight you are saying that the antibiotics treatment is a possibility?'

Sitting beside me he looks pained '_Rose, is there any way you are able to get the money from somebody? Nowadays they have these fundraisers on the internet…' _Stopped listing, I am just staring outside seeing a ray of sunlight entering the room. Like it is reaching out to me saying it is ok. Happy memories of my parents flash through my mind. Of me sitting in the backseat of the car as my mom looks back at me smiling. What is the very last trip we made together it was to the Zoo I was so excited to see an Elephant for the first time. When everybody was blocking my view I cried so my Baba picked me up. Putting me on his shoulders, anything to make his Kiz happy. Could this be a message from above? I am not meant to roam the Earth as a person, most likely I am already living on bored time. Reality sinks in this can only mean one thing, fate…

'How long?' his face says it all he is surprised by my question '_Excuse me? What do you mean Miss Hathaway?'_ he is back to calling me that. Guess I really caught him off guard this time. His Russian accent is a lot thicker now reminding me of Dimitri. Did he move on? Marry his scalpel perhaps? Laughing a bit at the image of him saying I do to it. Clear my throat 'My life expectancy after having the antibiotics treatment' There is a small part of me telling it is better not to know. But if I go out I want it to do my way no regrets. '_Taking your condition in consideration_' he scratches the back of his neck ' _6 months at most a year, you can't just…_' his voice cracks. For a doctor, he really seems to take it hard that I am being this straight forward. 'Don't worry about that doctor Zeklos..'

Cursing under his breathe he leaves the room, the words sound familiar I swear I saw a few tears in his eyes. Shake my head, probably imagined them seeing as I am just another patient. He didn't fail I did...

* * *

Four weeks go by quicker than I thought my regular nurse is Lissa always checking up on me. First, she scowled at me for giving up so quickly. She clearly is one of the people wanting me to change my mind. It warms my heart that they all care so much for me. I keep telling myself that they do this with every patient. One way of steering her away from the subject is to talk about her wedding. It will be next year she has every little detail planned out. Her father is going to walk her down the aisle together with her mother. Maybe not the usual way however I think it is awesome. Opened up a little more to her about Dimitri telling Lissa about him. She keeps trying to persuade me to tell her his last name not that I am ever going to give it to her. Not called stubborn without a reason, in fact, I share this trade with my father. Also, I learned that her father had a "slip up" only not without consequences. Her name is Jill she is a few years younger than Lissa at first it was hard to swallow. Glad to see it changed with the years seeing as the poor girl had nobody left.

Her parents got killed together with her aunt at the age of 14 she was all by herself. The authorities contacted her father since he is mention on her birth certificate. They took her in taking care of her since then things got better as they got closer. When Christian stops by to pick her up we end up bantering. What can I say? He brings this part out of me it is like having an older brother bugging the hell out him. If I would have met them sooner I really think that Lissa and I would be best friends.

Life isn't as black and white as I thought it would be. A dream I had last night about my parents made me cry. With open arms they welcomed me telling me everything is going to be ok. We talked together as they told me how proud they are of me. Only reason tears started rolling down my cheeks cause I woke up. Desperately wanting to go back to them missing them more than ever. Laying here in the hospital also gives me time to think about other things. I started making a list of things I still want to do. So far I have, visiting their grave, then the hard part talking to Alberta confessing everything. Call me a coward all you want I do not know how to tell her. It is not as easy as it sounds I don't want to break her heart.

* * *

When I say goodbye to her I am hopefully able to see my ex-boyfriend Adrian. He was broken when I ended things I just couldn't do it to him. Love him so much only he deserves someone better than me. 5 years that is how long it has been I still remember how he looks. According to his Facebook page he lives in Palm Springs now. Can only see a little bit of information since the rest is shielded so that is basically it. With the help of Lissa, I was able to find the art gallery he owns. I want to ask him something very personal only I won't blame him if he says no. Not having sufficient money for a funeral is embarrassing. Well at the age of 23 I didn't really think about death much. My parents though bought the plot next to theirs for me.

Guilt courses through my veins thinking about them. The accident that caused them to die I was supposed to be in as well. I threw a tantrum not wanting to go with them visiting my grandmother. If I didn't behave like that they wouldn't have been delayed for an hour. Then the drunken driver wouldn't have hit them maybe a tree instead. More reason for me to think that being sick is a sign from above. I am sure I made the right choice to not have the surgery sometimes it is your time now it is mine.

Trying to push it in the back of my head I think of the painting Adrian made me. It is the only gift I kept from him the beauty of it is indescribable. Always planned to turn it into a tattoo only never did, again **a coward**. Don't need to see the painting to picture the heart with a rose wrapped around it. The thorns that are pressed into it causing it to bleed. Much like what is happening now, fiddling with a piece of paper in my hand I am nervous.

How do you ask a favor of a person you are responsible for breaking their hearts…..


	5. April

**Thank you for following, favoriting this story means a lot to me!**

**Sorry, I forgot to add the last part! Now the last part will make more sense.**

**I do not own any rights to the vampire academy… They belong to Richelle Mead**

**My Grammar may not be perfect but hopefully, you will like the story! If you have you nothing nice to say I suggest you read something else! Otherwise, enjoy ;)**

**Chapter 5 Paging Doctor Belikov, April**

They extended my hospital admission with an additional week. Sneaky is what all of them are trying their best to change my mind. A bitter look is standardly on doctor Zeklos his face these days. His eyes show failure when he walks by my room. He doesn't do it on purpose, the deep breath he takes before entering followed by a fake smile tells me enough. If they think I am sleeping soft voices can be heard in the hallways. Always having a conversation about the handsome doctor that is grief-stricken. A nurse with the name Betty is pretty straight forward when it comes to me. Married, 53 years old a daughter my age another that is 3 years older. Yesterday she said '_Rose, make me a promise?_' of course, I sighed rolling my eyes at her only she didn't budge until I gave an answer. '_Believe in miracles_' snorting at her was a huge mistake she made me eat brussels sprouts YUCK! The day Betty introduced herself she basically said to me 'Y_ou think you are stubborn, child? Trust me so am I, missy._'

* * *

Today is my birthday, I always wanted to spend it in the hospital, **NOT**! Betty comes barging in with a wheelchair '_Goodmorning little miss sunshine! Chop, chop, places to be no time to waste!' _At 7 in the morning really? Throwing off my covers she 'helps' me out of bed plopping a birthday hat on my head. Glaring at her she grins turning on the music, making the candles ontop move from right to left. She slaps my hand away when I try to yank it off 'OUCH!' Pushing me out the door she rushes me over to the nurse's station. Lissa sits there wearing normal clothing for once holding a make-up case in one hand. In the other is a pretty red wrap dress hanging from a coat hanger. Giving her a weird look she just smiles giving everything to me to hold it. Then she continues to push me into a small room 'You could have done all of this in my room.' Not adding 3 hours later vocally although my glare will say enough. With her hands on her hips, she raises an eyebrow '_Yeah right! Besides this way, you can't say no anymore.'_

Thinking of bolting the hell out of here she smirks evilly '_Don't even think about it I know where you sleep'. _ She is twirling with an eyebrow pencil between her fingers then points it at my face 'You wouldn't?!' clucking her tongue she shrugs nonchalantly. Moping she sits down then starts applying eye shadow, mascara and lip gloss with the stupid hat still on my head. Taking it off she brushes my hair a bit '_One last thing'_ lifting up my hair she closes the clasp. It is a necklace I saw her wearing it before with a beautiful rose pendant dangling from it. Wanting to object she raises her hand to cut me off '_Keep it as a birthday gift_'. Sparks when the sun starts lighting up the room, it must have cost a bloody fortune. 'Liss your grandmother gave this to you…' crouching down to my height she squeezes my hands. '_I am not giving up on you..' _closing my eyes I don't want to hear it. '_No listen, Rose, you say it is ok that it is your time. Well, I pray for you every night asking god not to give up on you. You deserve to live a long, happy life..' _ wiping away some tears she takes a deep breath. '_I am not giving up on you so accept it_.'

* * *

Showing off her handy work in the mirror I see that I am still very pale. The girl in the mirror is sad even though it is wearing pretty make-up. A familiar face that has become unknown to me these past months. My mobile distracts when it starts vibrating, biting my lip the display says ~_Alberta_~ a few deep breathes I answer. 'Hey, Bertie' she starts singing happy birthday making me laugh. '_How are you doing dear?'_ the big lump in my throat is hard to get rid of. So I lie to her 'Good! You know me always busy working no time for a social life.' A disapproving look from Lissa tells me exactly what she is thinking, enough, stop lying. Still, haven't grown a pair to tell her especially when she lets me know her arthritis got worse. Hang up with a heavy heart promising to call her again soon. Jade green eyes are staring at me intently '_Stop postponing it Rose it will only become harder every time'. _ Know she is right, however, it's not like I can casually say 'Hey Alberta! Here is the thing I am sick, dying actually, how is your day?' Sighing she rubs her temples. '_I know, just …soon ok_?' nodding Lissa carefully helps me put the dress on. Taking a selfie when she is done I she sends it to me via Whatsapp. I am certainly going to cherish this picture until my time runs out.

Nurses transformed the break room with balloons dangling from the ceiling. In the center of it all stands a chocolate cake with icing spread over the top layer. Thankful they didn't put my age on it would remind me how young I actually am. Making sure to take lots of pictures I see even some doctors joined the festivities before their shift starts. Pretty sure they did it to get a slice of my delicious cake cause it is really good. Licking the sticky goodness from my fingers I see Dr. Zeklos smiling sadly glancing my way. Swallowing loud he is holding a paper plate lost in thoughts. Sighing he leaves it on a table nearby never even touching his piece. That very moment I doubt my choice for the first time in days.

* * *

Well, I officially finished my list the day before I am discharged from the hospital. Somethings will probably never happen but it feels good to have it on a piece of paper. Almost like New Year's resolution only I can't postpone them with the promise to retry the following year.

1\. Visit mom and Baba's grave.

2\. Go talk to Alberta visit her in Montana.

3\. Rent a car so I can drive to Palm Springs.

4\. Get a massage from a hot guy.

5\. Fly first class.

6\. Learn how to make a pepperoni pizza from scratch.

7\. Celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas at the same time.

8\. Go on a date.

9\. Have meaningful sex.

10\. Meet Dimitri's Family.

It is an odd thing to put on the list I know it's just something that keeps bugging me. Unfinished business you can call it, I at least hope I will able to cross off at least half. So that by the time I am not able anymore I have a few less regrets. But first I need to make a very important phone call. '_Hello, this is Adrian Ivashkov, impulsive, extremely handsome, very talented artist. How may I be of service?_' in the background a woman is scolding him. 'Hi, it's... it's…' oh god I can't do this I should hang up. No don't be a coward Rose you can do just say your name 'Rose'. Silence no word, this can't be good. Will he be angry still with me or is he going to hang up. '_Little Rebel_' smiling sadly hearing my old nickname before I burst into tears. '_Are you ok?'_ far from, 'No, however, this isn't something to discuss over the telephone. Is it ok if I come to Palm Springs to meet you?' Adrian was reluctant to let it go he can be very persistent. Agreeing finally I let out a big sigh of relief hoping that after this I at least are on better terms with him. I don't want to die knowing he hates me.

* * *

ThirdPOV

A busy doctor sighs at the mess on his desk, two letters lay there before him. Before he can think anything of it his pager goes off. Duty calls, he thinks, as he leaves his office they fall on the ground. The janitor finds them putting them underneath a stack of folders. He can't help but wonder, what happened that changed the heart surgeon to become so messy? It always had been the easiest office to clean the floors. Now everywhere are old pizza boxes, empty paper cups from the vending machine. He starts throwing them away like he does every week still none the wiser.

* * *

RPOV

Nothing comes cheap, renting a car is still a bitch I will end up getting the one with no air-conditioning. Not needing that fuss I instead start fulfilling one of the things on my list. Might as well start to have something good happening. Entering a credit card number that is not far from being maxed out. A first-class ticket from Phoenix Arizona to Palm Springs two days from now.

For a change, everything at the airport goes smooth people even help me. Suitcases are heavy by itself so filling them up with clothes is like carrying another person with you. It would have been nice not having to do this alone. Then when you forget something someone else usually packs it for you. Passport is the most important thing to have also the plane ticket is very helpful I grin. So.. a toothbrush, hairbrush, bra, extra pair of underwear, also check however it could be the time to try go commando. Never tried it before so it is worth a shot or maybe not considering I am sweating so much. Medicines are in my handbag so I am ready to travel.

Fidgeting with my fingers the plane is about to land. A stewardess is tisking a few people for not having their seatbelt fastened yet. The pilot starts to deploy the landing gear hitting the asphalt of the runway. While taxing to the gate I notice the sky is clear, is this a good sign? Getting my suitcase from badge claim I pass by customs having nothing to declare. Dragging my luggage behind me like it a child not wanting to corporate with his parent I search for Adrian. Dark green emerald eyes meet mine only they are sad. He studies me not liking what he sees making me uncomfortable. I am disgusting or does he still resent me more than he is letting on? Again I remind myself that I broke his heart 5 years ago so it wouldn't be strange. No hug nothing, he doesn't even say a word so I follow him as he starts walking. Sitting in the backseat I tell myself it is better not wanting to make things more awkward. Should I give him the address of the motel I plan on staying at?

Checking how much cash I have I quickly check if it is enough for a taxi. 30 dollars should be plenty so I save the number for when I need to order it. I start thinking of excuses why I have to leave, this is a bad idea. So much pain in his eyes still present, only one to blame is me I put it there. Idiot, idiot this isn't going to make it better I am still hurting him. My sudden presence, phone call, all for a selfish reason cause I can't live with the guilt. Pulling up at his house it looks nice, a small concrete path leading to his front door. Even though it is made out of bricks it looks more homely then my studio back in Arizona. In the doorway a woman with dark blond hair, lightly tanned about 5'7 stands there holding a little boy. He has a son, a small smile appears on my face. Until reality hits me like a ton of bricks, I will **never** have that joy.

* * *

Leaving my suitcase in the hallways I sit down on the couch in the cosy living room. She introduces herself as Sydney, the little boy is Declan. Putting him to bed I have no idea how to start 'I am sorry for suddenly calling after this I promise to leave.' Frowning Adrian tells her to leave us for a moment. Chewing on my bottom lip it stays silent for a long time. I even hear the ticking of the clock that is hanging on the wall. Swallowing a few times I need to say something only he beats me to it '_Rose, I don't what it is you want but as you can see I moved on. If this is a way of making it up to me well there is no need. '_ the harshness somehow surprises me. Minutes pass by still nothing has come out of my mouth. With trembling jaw I try again 'I.. uhh..I..am..sorry' deep breaths Rose '_You said that already, look I am not having such a good day so maybe we can reschedule later this week?'_ grabbing his agenda he is all business.

Nodding I do my best not to cry, I **failed** no way I am going to come back. This was my one shot to make it right and to be honest with him. Shaking hands I am not even listening just agreeing to everything he says. Sighing he stand up hearing a cry coming from the bedroom. '_Do you want me to call you a cab?_' holding back more tears I shake my head no. Standing up I glance back one more time before grabbing my things walking out the door. Tired I sit down on the ground defeated ordering a taxi. Clutching my knees to my chest I start sobbing not caring anymore. Shivering I curse forgetting my jacket that sadly is still inside. Fuck it! No way I am going back to get it this was a complete waste. '_Are you ok_?' startled a crouched down Sydney is looking worried. 'Perfect' my eyes are most likely puffy, tears are still rolling down my cheek. Even I don't believe it but what else can I say to her, No everything is shit!

* * *

'Is Adrian happy?' if that is the only question I will get an answer to tonight my mind will be more at ease. '_Well we had a few struggles but yes..'_ cutting her off with a hug I whisper a thank you to her. '_Rose I don't know you personally, I heard stories of course_' taking a deep breath she sits down next to me. '_There is something you came here to tell him why are you so reluctant to?_' Playing with a lock of hair something about her makes me trust her. '_Maybe it helps to tell me first…_' it isn't right to throw this at her. The selfish part of me needs to tell someone other than the hospital staff or Lissa. Honesty instead of the constant lies I tell avoiding to address the Elephant in the room. 'This really hasn't been a good year for me. First, my ex-boyfriend dumps me for whatever reason. Sorry, that is not really important I am stalling again.' God, this is really difficult to do it is like telling your darkest secret. Only this isn't something to be embarrassed about. Or is it? With proper health care or a better job, I would have been able to pay the bills. Let's not go down that road again Rose…

Time to stop being a coward, clearing my throat I continue 'Beginning of this year I became ill discovering a rare birth defect. When discovering this it became clear I needed a heart valve replacement. Won't give all the details of it don't want to bore you' chuckling humorlessly I grimacing thinking back of the procedure. 'Instead of things getting better it got worse like I used up all my luck. Losing jobs, hard to make ends meet, no family to fall back on my life became a big soap opera.' Almost there just spit out the last part already... you can do this Rose! Great, giving myself a pep talk now well someone has to do it. 'My health rapidly got worse, passing out at a free clinic I got rushed to the hospital. The doctor had bad news I had sub-acute endocarditis a bacterial infection. Slowly it had damaged my heart again only also my donor valves. With no money for another surgery, only one option is left.' Encouraging me to go on she squeezes my hand gently 'What I am basically saying is that I am dying Sydney. If lucky I have a year it also can be 6 months.'

Her eyes widen then from behind I hear a loud curse '_YOUR WHAT!_' Adrian is standing there with tear-stained cheeks. FUCK! FUCK! It wasn't supposed to go like this! Rubbing my temples my heart is beating to fast making me dizzy. Last thing I feel before passing out is soft lips being pressed against my forehead.

* * *

Waking up with a pounding headache has become a regular thing. Please don't let me be in a hospital again.. Groaning I open my eyes everything comes back to me. Checking my surroundings I am laying on a couch it is.. 8 pm! JEZUS! I have been out for 3 hours! '_I see you finally are awake again'_ with her hands folded on her laps Sydney looks like she cried for hours. 'What happened?' well I know I passed out of course so it actually is a bit unnecessary to ask. '_Adrian heard us talking after that we talked for a bit discussing things. He left saying that he will be back later.'_ The way she is acting I can see she is hiding something.

Crying softly she is holding an old photograph in her hands ' _Adrian talked a lot about you, in the beginning, he only felt anger making him bitter. Saying the same thing over and over again 'Rose ruined my life!' Drinking heavily always drunk not knowing what day it was. One day.._' sobbing I try calming her down. 'You don't have too…' shaking her head no she takes a deep breath '_He..he.. wished that your heart would break beyond repair._' Frozen for a moment it feels like my heart shatters. Not because of what he said, I truly believe I deserve that. The pain that my rejection caused is heart-wrenching. '_So hearing this tonight he cried so much. Not even hiding it he lit a cigarette trying to calm himself. __No matter how much he loves me, Adrian, he never really gotten over you. I have accepted that cause you are a part of his heart forever.'_

If he isn't at home right now then 'Where is he right now?' pretty sure he didn't go to his gallery. '_He uhm.. well after he demanded I tell him the rest he started doing research.'_ Something in my head clicks hoping I am wrong 'Please tell me he didn't go this father..' shifting in her seat provides me the answer. Nathan, that godforsaken asshole even when we dated his opinion was always crystal clear. Girls Adrian dated only wanted one thing, money. Couldn't care less about that never mattered to me. I many times insisted on paying for my own food going on dates. Trying to prove his father wrong, one night they had an argument where he threatened to cut him off. He wanted me gone so Adrian could marry another rich girl. Refusing he eventually did it making me feel guilty. However, it wasn't what made me break up with him. I wasn't ready to take the steps he wanted to take, marriage, children all of it was too much.

* * *

Could it be karma? '_Don't you dare think that Rose!'_ startled I didn't realize I said it out loud. We both jump when the front door opens with a slam revealing a heartbroken Adrian. A pained expression on his face he collapses to the ground. '_I tried, I tried so hard to reason with him… he doesn't care! My own father is a monster!' _Rushing over to him I cradle him to my chest trying to soothe him. 'It's ok Adrian I have accepted my fate.' His body stiffens, pushing me away he shakes his head '_NO! NO! you don't deserve to die you hear me! GODDAMMIT!' _Mumbling a few things a new flash of determination shows in his eyes. '_I will sell my personal collection! Yes, that's it! I just need to find the lady who wanted to buy them last time._' No way in hell he is doing this, some of them are from his aunt Tatiana. She passed away, unfortunately, they were really close it is the only he has left.

Gently cup his cheeks with my hands to get his attention 'No Adrian, you have a beautiful wife a son that relies on his father. There is something you have to promise me..' I do my best to swallow the large lump that is stuck in my throat 'Never let go of each other no matter how hard things get. Love is the greatest thing in life I missed my chance.' Crushing his lips to mine he starts kissing me, for a moment I get lost feeling all love he pours into it. Only this is wrong I don't deserve this he is meant to be with Sydney. Breaking off the kiss I stroke his cheek 'I will always love you, Adrian, this is not a good idea.' Looking to my left I am shocked to see her smiling sadly no sign of anger. Her previous words still in the back of my mind '_No matter how much he loves me he never really gotten over you_' Confused I feel like I am missing something, he takes out my to-do list.

'_Please let me help fulfill number **9** on the list even number **8**. Cause I don't know if my heart can't take it to lose you again. _' baffled I stand there thinking I must have heard him wrong. Clinging on to my frail frame as I would disappear any second I never felt more gutted...

* * *

ThirdPOV

A devastated man is pacing back and forth ready to corner his mother. He meant every word spoken that day so he is going to make her tell him where his cousin works.


	6. May

**Sorry that it took so long, but as promised here is the first new chapter. I will post the second one shortly after this one.**

**Get ready here is tall dark and handsome ;-)**

**I do not own any rights to the vampire academy… They belong to Richelle Mead**

**My Grammar may not be perfect but hopefully, you will like the story! If you have you nothing nice to say I suggest you read something else! Otherwise enjoy ;)**

**Chapter 6 Paging Doctor Belikov, May**

I can't sleep, after Adrian's last words my mind won't stop spinning. Regret is what I am feeling the most besides the hate. Little too late to have them but seeing him again I realize how much I still love him. My heart is torn wanting to reach out to him. This is so not the time nor place to rehash the past. Is it because of the affection he is showing me? Holding me, soothing me while I cry my eyes out. The moment I broke up with him I thought I did the right thing. Only now I wished I never left him, for that I hate myself. Anger is bubbling up inside me for even thinking that. Also, it is not fair for Sydney, she told me how fragile he still is. The only place for me is in the past she is his future.

What didn't help either is that the wine she drank last night loosened her lips. Or she simply needed to get it off her chest. A burden she has been carrying around. Confessing she once cheated on him with an old lover. She couldn't handle how broken he was. Moment of weakness that left her sour also made her regret it. It wasn't something that happened after a week or even a year. After 3 years she needed comfort only seeking it elsewhere. Above all, it really did a number on Sydney I admire her strength. She never thought for once it would be easy. From the beginning, Adrian told her that he was a broken man. First, she thought that no matter what she could handle it. When the cracks started to appear things got harder to deal with.

A person can only take so much before you crumble. To the world, they look like a strong couple. Nothing can tear them apart however the truth is far from that. They are seeing a counselor on a weekly basis. Determined to work things out to strengthen their marriage. Picking up the piece gluing it back together the best they can. Accepting your mistakes is the first step or else you can't forgive each other.

* * *

Breaking down I curl up in a ball crying my eyes out. All of it is my fault, damage caused by me. Would give anything to erase Rose Hathaway from their world. So many errors I made causing pain. Here I am trying to get closure only to open up an old wound. Instead of healing, I am making it bleed again. Pressing my nails into the palm of my hands feels good. I deserve all the pain, the hate, why did I call him? FUCK! Why am I so stupid! It is like a mirror is being held in front of me showing all my flaws. No longer I see a woman who is strong letting nothing stop her. All that is left is a failure, has my life always been such a mess?

Her last confession shook the ground beneath me. Sweet Declan isn't theirs only it was a positive turning point in his life. His biological parents, good friends, died during a vicious attack. However, it is one of the reasons he stopped drinking, determined to make things better. Love between them is certainly there, no doubt about it. Sometimes it takes a tragedy to make you stronger. Entering their lives shook things up. Adrian came home very late no clue where he went. I pretended to be asleep when he opened the door to check on me. Kissing my temple he whispered how much he still loves me. God, I messed up I really need to keep my distance.

It would have been so easy to open my eyes tell Adrian I love him too. Torn I can't figure out if it because of Dimitri's rejection. Or is it because a part of my heart truly still belongs to him. Adrian can know the answer cause it will affect the relationship with Sydney. The question remains, would it be better if I just leave? My bag is still packed all I need to do is sneak out the door. Of course, it will hurt him, only I one thing is certain I am doing more damage by staying. Staring out the window the sun slowly starts to rise. Crumpling the peace of paper that is my bucket list I am ready to throw in the towel. Shoving it in my pocket one person on the list I owe an explanation, Alberta.

* * *

Time to be brave Rose, walk away, he needs to be with the woman that can offer him so much more. In a few months, I will be dead, others will move on with their lives. If God allows it, I highly doubt, I will become a spirit if they exist. I will make sure to watch over them as a guardian angel. Hopefully, make up for all the mistakes I have made. Forcing my body to get up I grab my meager belongings slowly opening the door. Doing my best not to make a noise I walk down the stairs. A note pad usually used to make a shopping list I write a farewell note. Flicking on the small lamp on the side table I take a deep breath.

_~Adrian,_

_I long for you, only your heart is not meant for me….It hurts cause I will always love you…_

_Your little rebel ~_

Shattered I lay down the pen as the words slowly break me. It is the right thing to do also the only thing I can say. More tears start to roll down my cheeks not able to stop them. Why does it hurt so bad? His heart will heal in time, only mine feels like it is breaking more every minute. Start walking Rose or you will never leave his house. Every step I take my feet get heavier like someone is pouring concrete around them.

* * *

**ThirdPOV**

A platinum blond-haired woman looks her fiancé in the eyes. In her mind, she can't accept the quick decision that was made. Grabbing a pen she starts writing to make damn sure he will get the message. Patients die every day only this one has hit her hard. She is isn't just someone, the brown-haired woman feels like a sister. Risking everything she folds the documents she copied putting them in the same envelope as the letter.

* * *

**RPOV**

Walking down the street the sun is shining brightly. Groaning my body feels so tired I can barely stay up. I need to create some distance before I am going to call a cab. Otherwise, I am tempted to walk back inside to get some long-overdue sleep. Reaching the end of the street I see a beautiful church illuminated by the sunlight. Stepping inside it surprises me the doors are unlocked at this hour. Standing at the altar several candles are burning for loved ones that are missed. Would someone light one up for me? Is there really such a thing as heaven? A man in his late 40s approaches me wearing a large flowing garment. '_What troubles you my child?'_ smiling sadly at his question he probably thinks I am a mess.

My hair has definitely seen better days I didn't even brush it when leaving. Not to mention my pale skin is making me look like a freaking vampire. 'Do you think I will go to heaven Father?' an odd thing for me to ask maybe only it feels like a necessary one. His face softens '_All children of God are accepted and welcomed at the gate'_. Biting my lip I stare at the beautiful glass stained window. The light shining through gives a feeling of serenity even a bit of peace. 'Is there such a thing as borrowed time?' frowning slightly he studies me. '_Everyone walking on the face of the planet has a different purpose to fulfill. I don't see it as borrowed time, he decided it is wasn't your time to go.' _Considering his words for a moment I sigh. 'Do you think my time has come father?' God, it is like I am expecting him to have all the answers. Blushing a bit his face becomes more serious '_Only time will tell, have faith that whatever path he has chosen for you is not without reason._'

* * *

Squeezing my shoulder lightly he leaves. Lighting a candle I whisper a soft prayer hoping for some clarity. My mobile phone vibrates afraid to see Adrian's name pop up I frown seeing an unexpected Facebook message.

~_Roza,_

_My name is Victoria Belikova, you probably think I am crazy for contacting you. _

_Only my Babushka told me to contact the woman with the name of a flower. Never knew _

_what she was talking about until I heard my mother mentioning you. My brother hasn't_

_been forthcoming about what happened. Since I am very nosy I hope you will come to visit us._

_We live in Ellicott City, Maryland an hour away from Washington. _

_Mama is looking forward to meeting you too. Let me know when you are able to visit. We will_

_book a flight on your name. Oh before you say anything, my mother doesn't take no for an _

_answer. Also, Babushka said '__**What you seek is seeking you. Don't let the darkness become**_

_**a permanent mark on your heart**__.' _

_Vika~_

* * *

Staying at a motel for a few days I finally send her a reply to accept her offer. First I will travel to Baltimore and from there a taxi will take me to their house. Relieved everything goes smooth with no hiccups or delays. However panic starts to set in when I pull up at the driveway. What if he is there? Or visits unexpectedly deciding to stop by without letting them know. Is this some trick to get me in the same room? Chewing on my fingers nails I have to urge to tell the driver to turn around. Groaning I scold myself, stop being a coward Rose this is what you wanted. Deep breaths, deep breaths, gritting my teeth I am experiencing a stabbing sensation in my chest. Standing on the sidewalk I use an oak tree as support hoping no one is seeing this. '_Are you going to stand there all day or are you going to come inside?'_ Startled by the older woman staring at me I almost faceplant into her rose bush.

She seems to be in her fifties so this should be Dimitri's mother. '_My Mama saw you standing there looking a bit out of place._' In other words, I already made a shitty first impressing not that it matters, right? Her eyes go from the old tennis shoes I am wearing to the baggy sweater. Not judging, instead, she looks concerned. I can see why her dress is worth more than every piece of clothing I own. '_Hello dear my name is Olena, you must be freezing please come in.'_ Following her to the kitchen, she pulls out a chair for me to sit down. Offering me hot chocolate I take a sip burning my mouth. '_Tell me what happened?_' She doesn't beat around the bush that is for sure.

* * *

With shaking hands, I start to explain everything that happened except my sickness. '_Don't lie child that is not why you are here?' _HOLY SHIT, SNEAKY OLD BAT! My heart is going a million miles an hour seeing her suddenly sit next to me. What the fuck is she? A 100-year-old ninja? Damn! Swallowing loud I try to keep it together 'Never had a luxurious life, not that I am asking for money.' Wincing I want to bang my head against the table. Why the hell would I say that? 'Sorry I apologize that came out wrong.' taking another big gulp I try not flinch. Great burning my mouth again I really am an idiot. 'I didn't want to die without having a chance to meet you' blurting it out her eyes widen. Russian curse words escape her mouth. '_What do you mean Roza?' _ fidgeting with my fingers I don't dare to look at her. Clearing my throat a few times I can't seem to form a coherent sentence. 'Well uuh… this year... uuh I… you know what it isn't really important. What is…'

Clucking her tongue I receive a disapproving stare from his I assume grandmother. She really scares the living daylights out of me simply looking my way. Starting over I try not to hold back my tears 'March this year doctor Zeklos told me that without surgery I would have a maximum of a year to live when lucky. You see I have Ebstein Anomaly a birth defect you might have heard of. Let's just say my heart valves were or are broken. They got replaced at first only I developed sub-acute Endocarditis slowly damaging them again. Not able to afford proper health care, still having to pay off the other procedure.' Rapidly spitting the words out as if it would soften the blow. Shouldn't it become easier after telling the story several times? Calm down Rose, it won't do me any good to break down in front of his family. Cut to the chase and be blunt no other way of saying it. 'So I didn't have many options left other than accept my fate.' Feels good actually to let everything out.

* * *

A mug shatters on the tile floor when I am finished talking then I hear a loud gasp. She looks exactly like her picture on Facebook. Victoria has a horrified expression on her face '_Ivan_?' well I don't know who that is. Is somebody standing outside? Waiting patiently nobody says anything and more importantly, they are looking at me. 'Sorry?' both Belikova woman share a knowing look. '_Ivan used to be Dimka's best friend. They went to medical school together ending up at the same hospital. One day he went on vacation after my son finally managed to persuade him. Both stubborn working long hours never taking a day off. Dedicated to their work more than anything.'_ Grimacing she seems not to agree with her son's commitment.

'_Dimka promised to look after a patient of his while Ivan was gone. The little girl was only 10 years old but quite the fighter. She had the same condition as you only her heart wasn't strong enough. Unfortunately, they didn't find a donor soon enough. ' _tears are starting form in Olena's eyes. So Victoria finishes it for her with a shaky voice ' _He blames himself for losing her. Even though nobody else did he took it hard. He started to close off then asked for a transfer. Since that day it became a sore topic. Also, he and Ivan have never spoken again since that day.'_

Now I understand the bitter look his face when I told him basically I was done. Breathing becomes harder, my chest hurts so bad it is like someone is sitting on it. Distant voices echo through the room as I collapse.

Everything is foggy waking up, people are arguing '_Call Dimka now!'_ Those words snap me right out of it like a bucket of ice-cold water. 'No! Don't call him, please... He doesn't need to know I am here.' Pleading with them a scowl forms on Olena's face. '_Roza! This is not the time to be stubborn!_' hissing, her words are spoken harshly.

* * *

**ThirdPOV**

Sitting behind his desk he is feeling unnerved. Something doesn't sit well with the young doctor. It feels like a part of him is slowly dying. But he shouldn't feel this way cause nothing is wrong with him. He notices more envelopes are sticking out from underneath a stack of folders. Every single one of them is addressed to him personally. Urgent is scribbled multiple times on them making him frown. When his mobile phone is ringing he gets worried seeing his mother's name.

* * *

**RPOV **

Laying back down I see she is starting to lose her patience. Not wanting to push it any further I remain silent. '_Just let me ask him for advice.'_ He made it clear, he wants nothing to do with me. Why would it make a difference now? Frustrated I am stuck between screaming or giving in. Too tired to fight her I sigh 'Fine, but no telling him anything about my presence.' Biting the inside of her cheek she reluctantly agrees.

Putting it on speaker it starts ringing '_Mama_?' frozen I stop breathing for a moment. Our eyes lock as she answers him '_Dimka, I need your professional opinion on a delicate matter._' I pray he doesn't ask her who it is for. '_Is there something wrong with Babushka?'_

_**O**__: 'No everyone is fine Dimka don't worry. If I name some symptoms can you tell me what it is?'_ gritting her teeth she is glaring at me still not happy with my decision.

_**D**_**: **_'Of course Mama'_

_**O:**__'Shortness of breath, irregular heartbeat, swelling of the ankles and feet. Chest pain, difficulty concentrating, extreme fatigue and feeling weak.'_

That sounds dandy hearing it all mentioned out loud. Looking down I see what Olena is talking about. Great another thing to add my list of oddities.

_**D:**__'That sound like heart failure Mama, What is going on? There is something you aren't telling me.'_

Panic in his voice is evident, of course it is, he still thinks one of his family members is sick. Wait until he hears it is me then that tone will drastically change.

_**O: **__'A friend collapsed to the ground experiencing the symptoms I just described. _

Her facial expression changes, pretty much saying I am telling him this end of story.

_**O:**__'The poor girl has a severe form of Ebstein Anomaly' _wanting to tear the telephone out of her hands to end the call three pair of eyes stop me.

_**D:**__'That is very dangerous, it means her heart is enlarged. She needs to go to the hospital immediately. Did she recently have surgery?'_

Chewing on my bottom lip I want to be swallowed by the earth. Waiting for conformation I shake my head no. Pinching the bridge of her nose her jaw starts to tick. I know she is still hoping I will go to the ER despite what I said to her earlier.

_**O:**__'Is there anything else we can do Dimka? She doesn't want to go to the hospital. They discovered Endocarditis after the first operation when they replaced the valves.'_

_**D:**__'Damaging them again'_ I can already guess the next question he will ask his mother. '_Did the girl inform her doctor about what happened. By now they should have scheduled another surgery to repair them.'_

* * *

Silence, … closing her eyes a battle is going on inside her head. Confused I see a few tears roll down her cheek. Then her voice cracks '_**O:**_ _'Sadly she can't afford another surgery Dimka. The doctor has given her 6 to 12 months to live.'_

One curse word after the other booms through the speaker. Some in English others Russian **D:**' _Isn't their family that can help with covering the cost?'_ needing fresh air I try to get up. When Olena starts sniffing my heart breaks **O:**'_No.. no… Dimka. She has.. she has chosen.. too, too accept her death'_ sobbing now I curse out loud for making her cry. Why did I say yes? God, I am so stupid I never should have agreed. **D: **'_Who is that with you Mama?' _throwing off the thin blanket I beg her not to say anything. Only it makes her cry even more '_Roza_' my eyes widen as his grandmother reveals my presence.

**D: **'_Roza is dying_?' it sounds like his whole world has shattered. Is he crying? **D: **'_No, no, no, no, not my Roza…_' What the fuck is he saying? His? Really! '_Try to keep her there please, Mama, I am coming as soon as I can. She has to know... I need to talk to her._' Not having the strength to fight her in my mind I plotting ways to escape. Taking it off speaker she says a few more words to him in Russian then hangs up.

Whatever is going to happen in the next few hours is not going to change my mind. At least I think...


	7. May DPOV

**I do not own any rights to the vampire academy… They belong to Richelle Mead**

**My Grammar may not be perfect but hopefully, you will like the story! If you have you nothing nice to say I suggest you read something else! Otherwise enjoy ;)**

**Chapter 7 Paging Doctor Belikov, May DPOV**

DPOV

'_Be safe my son, I will' _Are the last words my mother say when I hang up the phone. Every wall I build to protect myself has crumbled down. Everything I thought I did for the right reason I couldn't be more wrong about. Emotions became a foreign language to me I no longer wanted to understand. Bottling them up for so long made me cold, stoic a batard. Nothing bothered me even the slightest. People calling me names, having certain thoughts about my behavior. Being the best heart surgeon made me cocky. I started with the goal of helping people to get better. Then came Rose like a wrecking balling tearing everything down. Like a doe caught in headlights, I had no idea how to deal with it. Scared I needed to run before it would suffocate me. At least that is how it felt as my heart started to soften.

My priorities changed, she became it, the first thought in my mind. This couldn't happen.. I couldn't afford another patient because I was becoming lax. I could never tell her about little Melody. A scar I will always carry with me the rest of my life. Love is blinding, it makes you reckless. Those words I kept chanting inside my head. Just needed to repeat them long enough to become real. Only with Rose Hathaway was a whirlwind in my life. Sunshine on a dark day driving away the clouds.

* * *

It reminded me of how I used to be when I was younger. Then she said those damn words that scared me the most. '_I love you.._' My heart began to beat faster, the world started to spin. If anything would ever happen to her I would be ripped apart. Oh god, I dreamt about marrying her, raising children together. All those things I didn't deserve to have. So in my mind, I thought that it was better to let her go. I wasn't able to say those words cause they terrify me. All my walls went back up turning into a cold person. This was better for her she didn't need me in her life. This way she would find another guy to be happy with. Only no matter what I kept telling myself I cracked. Panicking I drove over to her apartment to tell her that I was wrong. Beg her to take me back and give me another chance. Only it was empty, the owner couldn't tell me anything other than that she disappeared.

In the back of my head, I convinced myself it was for the best. This is what wanted her to do right? What can a broken man possibly offer her? As days started to go by I poured everything I had into work. Working double shift, accepting every single one they gave me. Then a couple came in for a consultation for open-heart surgery. Coming in I right away noticed how nervous the wife was. She was experiencing discomforts as chest pain, burning, tightness and heaviness. Symptoms that are easily mistaken for heartburn or indigestion. Only Pepcid or Zantac can't fix a Coronary Artery Disease. People end up going to their general practitioner hoping to get answers. It is very dangerous to ignore these symptoms cause the heart becomes weak. You develop abnormal heart rhythms or rates. Eventually, it will fail to pump the amount of blood your body needs. There are several types of Coronary Artery Diseases. In her case, she had a piece of a blood clot that had broken off. This caused a blockage downstream in the blood vessel.

* * *

If she had waited another day she wouldn't be sitting across from me. Seeing the way her husband tried reassuring her, comforting her created the first crack. After telling her about the procedure she was visibly shaken. He grabbed both her hands, turned the chair she was seated in. Then looked her straight in the eye '_Beautiful Coral, my sweet little dandelion, together we will get through this. No matter what happens I will be by your side. Remember the first day I saw you standing there waiting for that scum Ricky. I never thought I stood a chance with a woman as gorgeous as you. Days I kept telling myself that a man like me didn't deserve an angel like you. Then he stood you up, I wanted to look for him. Beat the hell out of him for doing that to you.'_

Squeezing her hands lovingly as tears started to roll down her cheeks. He started peppering kisses all over her face showing just how much he loves her. God, I could see how his eyes were shining with adoration. He continued his little speech tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. '_So I finally mustered up to courage to approach you_. _My heart was beating a million miles an hour. I was nothing compared to him I was only a mechanic for god sakes. Your eyes met mine, my knees buckled not knowing what to say. When I finally found the words I said to you.' _ Smiling she laughs a little finishing his sentence '_The bus stop is on the other side of the road.'_ Shaking his head with amusement I feel the corners of my mouth twitch. '_Then you walked away cursing until you reached the greengrocer. You bought carrots with the green leaves still attached to it. Giving them to me you told me that they have a high amount of vitamin A in them. What protects your eyes, so Ricky clearly hasn't his or he wouldn't have stood up an amazing woman like me.'_

* * *

Swallowing loud I needed to get some fresh air. I tried to convince myself it was because I felt like I was intruding on a private moment. The truth was far more bitter, I missed Rose…. How I wanted to have to same courage the man had. Minutes passed before I enter my own office again swallowing back the tears. Only to see them in a lover's embrace as he sang softly to her. Whatever it was it seemed to have calmed her down. Wondering if it was a song they played at their wedding. Or one that had special meaning to them. Scolding myself for feeling jealous I bit the inside of my cheek. Clearing my throat I put up a fake smile continuing to explaining the day of admittance.

More weeks pass by as I continue to wallow in self-pity. It affects the way I act around the nurses and other staff members. Short, snapping at them for making mistakes. I even made an intern cry on her first day for forgetting the first signs of a heart attack. She was very intimidated by seeing as she is only 5'2. Towering over she was trembling every time I assessed her work. I am the best heart surgeon in Washington so the hospital can't afford to lose me. Only that doesn't give me the right to bark at an intern like that. FUCK! This is not how my Mama raised me.

* * *

Taking out my anger on the first thing I see I clear my desk of all the papers stacked up. On the floor, I notice four thick envelopes. Seems the stack has grown since last time I put them away. '_Knock, knock_' Agatha opens the door holding a large brown envelope with priority written on it. Wanting to tell her to put it on my desk I freeze for a moment. That elegant handwriting I recognize instantly, Ivan. Sucking in a breath I take it from her with trembling hands. Not wanting her to see me break down I merely nod dismissing her. Something tells me I need to open it so I rip it open. Inside are two pieces of paper one of them is a picture printed out of us. Day of our graduation we are both smiling brightly. Proud of what we achieved together despite all of our struggles. Underneath are two words underlined multiple times, '_Luchschy Droog._' Or in other words, best friend, a person you are really close with and trust with your life.

After all these years he still kept it, if I open my desk drawer I will pull out the exact same picture. Unfolding the letter I start to read it.

* * *

_Dimka,_

_The truth is, I miss you, the guidance you always gave me as my best friend._

_ It hurts to know that the only brother I have ever know has closed himself of. No matter how many times I told you it wasn't your fault._

_Did you know after Melody died they found out Merlyn was pregnant again? _

_Her mother said that her soul hadn't moved on, it simply was given a chance to start over. _

_She is healthy, no abnormalities were found throughout the pregnancy. I admire the strength Melody's parents had cause I am having troubling finding peace._

_Do you remember when I was 7 years old and Yegor threatened to beat me up? You rushed to my side to help me up then punched him in the face. _

_He was really scary, the bastard was 14 years old a lot bigger than us. Only you didn't care even though there was no way you were going to win. _

_I couldn't help to always be in awe, you made me stronger._

_I need you D, I need you so bad... Oh god, a patient of mine is such a sweet young woman. _

_We are supposed to accept it if a patient denies treatment. Only times I can't, she doesn't deserve to die Dimka. _

_The anti-biotic treatment she received I written off as discarded. _

_She thinks her insurance covered it. In the first time of my career, I did something stupid I lied to a patient._

_I saw little Melody again laying their again hopelessly. Let's face it we all knew she wasn't going to make it. _

_Harsh words for such a delicate little angel. Only the cold reality of things was that she was too weak. _

_Back then I thought I could fix everything and everyone. But Rose Hathaway has a chance only I don't how to give her that. _

_Most of the nurses from back then still work here. Together we were able to raise a little money to cover some of the expenses. You know better than me how much these operations cost._

_Please… I need my best friend to tell me what to do I am grasping at straws…_

Ivan~

* * *

It feels like all of my bones have left my body as my body sags in defeat. Why was I such a coward? Both of us were never good at expressing our feelings. Heck, it took years for I even told my own mother I love her. He fucking needs me! Worse, the patient he is treating is Rose… my Roza…. If I wasn't such a fool I could have helped her out. Then her sickness would have progressed the way it did. Now she had to suffer without having anybody by her side. Grabbing my mobile phone I scroll to the number I haven't dialed for years. Only I get his voicemail, so I repeat the words written on the photo. Also, tell him I will call him back later and hoping he will forgive me. I let him down the most by leaving without a word.

Wanting nothing more to drop everything to go see Rose I still need to wait a few more minutes. I let the nurse's page Doctor Raznik to come in earlier. As soon as he is here I can leave without having to worry about the other patients. Or else I would have left the minute my mother ended the call. I might as well read the other letters in the meantime. Dreading it I need to this no matter how much it hurts. Only the next is much thicker, in fact, it is a card with a sunflower on it. Not just any, it is drawn by a child. As if it is on fire I drop it on the floor.

* * *

Closing my eyes I hear her infectious laughter anytime I made a funny face. How brave she was when she needed to be operated. The day she was at her weakest she caught me shedding a tear. Her voice was so small, squeezing my hand I still hear the words she spoke to me. '_It is ok Doctor Mitri, don't cry.. here you can borrow teddy he always makes me feel better when I am sad.'_ Actually he wasn't a teddy bear but a hamster only she was very persistent. No matter what anybody said to her. She must have had that thing for ages seeing the state of it.

Such a bright little girl she didn't deserve to have her life ended. '_I know I am dying, mommy and daddy try to hide but I can tell from there faces. God has other plans for me you see, when I die I will become an angel. __I will watch over them keep them safe from evil spirits. I won't be alone, granny is there together with grandpa Seymor playing my favorite game. CANDYLAND!'_ Grabbing her little sketchbook she tears one gently out of it. '_I made a special drawing for you' _On it was a sunflower her favorite flower. Cause it looks like the sun but you don't burn your fingers when you touch it. Picking it back up my hands are shaking. Am I ready to open this? Afraid to read what they told me so many times, **you did all you could**. Losing your first patient is hard, but someone else's when they trust you to take care of them...

If I am going to explain everything Rose, I need to re-open an old wound or else I will never move on from it. Reading it the words are simple **~ Melody wanted you to have this. With Love the Nordstroms ~ **it clicks when I see the package that comes with it. The scissors slide through the duct tape allowing me to see the content. Clutching it tightly to my chest I see it is her favorite teddy bear with a tiny note attached to him. ~**Please take care of him for me**~ Full out sobbing I stroke it as if it is my lifeline. Softly whispering to her that I will ' I am so sorry for failing you, Melody. Forgive me...'

God, I could use a drink right now. Putting him back into his temporary home I mentally prepare myself for the next letter. Cause I have a feeling this day is far from over. Too long I have been hiding. I can't change the past but I certainly have an influence on the future.

* * *

_~Dr. Dimitri Belikov,_

_Introductions aren't really necessary since you have no clue who I am. However, my parents raised me to be polite._

_My name is Vasilisa, it took me a while to find out where you work. The reason I am writing to you is quite simple. You are going to help me with Rose. Your heart might be cold but mine isn't. Whatever reason you decided to dump her like she was nothing disgusts me. She doesn't deserve to be treated like this, you sir are an ass. Last few months I had the delight to get to know her personally. Even though she was struggling she never gave up, until now._

_Rose thinks she doesn't deserve to live anymore. That somehow this is god's way of saying it is her time. I am pretty sure she told you that her parents died in a horrible car crash. One night my heart broke hearing her mumble in sleep. Calling for you asking what she did wrong. Every time she tells a person it is ok that she is dying makes me cry. She thinks you don't care about her. That you would decline to help her out cause it is **her**._

_Well, you know what? I do care! Since you are the only person that can convince her apparently I ask you to help. Do you think you can swallow your pride in order to save a life? If not for her then maybe see it as a boost for your career. _

_This will probably get me fired, only I am willing to risk that for Rose. Inside are copies of her medical file with all the information you need. Also, a photograph that was made on her birthday. A real eye-opener if you ask me…_

_Vasilisa D~_

* * *

The punch to gut she is giving I deserve without a doubt. However, when I see the photo I almost let it fall. Pale skin, hollow cheeks showing that she lost a significant amount of weight. She is smiling only it doesn't reach her eyes. They show pain, sorrow, fatigue all of it are signs of how much she is struggling with it. Ebstein's anomaly is a birth defect that can't be taken lightly. Her medical charts tell me that she has been diagnosed in January. Both valves were severely damaged and had to be replaced. Rose had been put on a payment plan that couldn't have left her with much at the end of the month. Gritting my teeth I am appalled by the coverage of her insurance. Ivan made several notes on ideas to help her out. Something I should have done for her, in fact, I could have easily helped to pay.

In March Rose was treated for sub-acute Endocarditis she must have gone through hell. Anger bubbles up inside me wanting to punch myself in the face. If I was by her side I would have noticed the symptoms. Then none of this would have happened, why is she punished for my stupidity? An angel like her deserves to have the world. Reading the words is even worse than hearing them. Seeing the stuttering Ivan had trouble writing it down ~_life expectancy without surgery -6 to 12 months-~_ Tears flow freely, my eyes are burning, my nose is raw from all tissue that I used wiping away the snot.

* * *

Rapid knocking at the door startles me, yet I make no effort to hide the fact I have been crying. '_Dimitri.._' stopping he studies my face for a moment. '_Are you alright?'_ I have two choices, I lie, tell him it is allergies or confess what is really wrong. 'No' checking the hallway he closes the door then sits down. Doctor Raznik is around 50 years old, very good at his job, his wife is an absolute sweetheart. '_Son, I have never seen you like this. They asked me to come in sooner because you have a family emergency? But something tells me those documents in front of you are the reason you are crying.'_ He is taking my silence as a confirmation.

Leaning forward he motions for me turn them. Reading it his eyes widen only he composes himself quickly. '_Hypothetically speaking, I would discuss all your options with Doctor Zeklos. For example to perform a pro bono surgery together with him. Then the only thing you need is to bait the medical director. Or take it upon yourself to pay for the expenses. But you will need an operating room that is suitable. However, I think hearing that one of their best hear surgeons is willing to do this might...' _Pausing for a moment he looks straight at me. '_Do you love her Dimitri?_' my eyes widen at his question. Do I? Yeah, no doubt about it. Does it scare me? More than anything. What he is actually asking me is, how far are you willing to go to save her life.

My eyes go back to the photograph of her laying on my desk. Roza, once so full of life, swears like sailor. While reprimanding her for it secretly makes me laugh. The way she looks right now isn't how she is supposed. Vasilisa's words come back to me '_She thinks you don't care about her.'_ I hurt her, because of me she feels so insecure. How far am I willing to go? Life isn't worth living without her 'More than life itself' gladly spend my life on my knees groveling. Pleading for her to take me back. In the end, I am a selfish bastard cause no matter what I can't bear to lose her. Nodding he stands up taking out his mobile phone then leaves.

* * *

A few minutes later he steps back into my office. Handing me a piece of paper, it has a phone number scribbled on there. '_If you are willing to volunteer a week at the free clinic .They gladly let you use one of their operating rooms. That only leaves you to arrange the heart valves to be delivered there_' God, I am such a prick that I don't even know his first name. Still call some nurses, just nurse cause I can't remember their names. Yet here he is helping me 'Why?' barely able to get it out my throat he just smiles. '_We all make mistakes in life, Son. The thing that is holding you back is that you think you don't deserve it. Before I met Freya I was just like you. Always knee-deep in work. Constantly spending my time at the hospital working overtime. Blind to anything else happening around me. That changed when a sassy nurse set me straight.'_

His whole face lights up mentioning her. ' _Knocked off from my feet I tried to deny myself. My eyes opened one day seeing her go on date with another man_. _She never made it easy for me though but I got the girl. We can't save them all Dimitri.. It is time for you to stop running and start living.._' Not wasting another minute I start gathering my belongings. Shutting off my computer I glance at the screen saver. A red rose floating over my screen a subtle reminder of her. '_Oh, one more thing, we still need a pitcher for the hospital's baseball team._' They tried asking me every year to join, guess it is time to finally say 'Sure thing Coach!'

Practically running to my car I fumble with my car keys. '_SMACK_!' not expecting it I lose my balance. My vision blurs for a second, hearing a growl I stare up at a familiar face. Haven't seen him since he was a little boy. '_Happy to see me, Russian Warlord. Was a bitch to track you down. Let's not pretend we are happy to see each other.' _With a vicious snarl, he bares his teeth. 'Hello, Adrian'…


	8. Same day in the month of May DPOV

**Life is not going as I was hoping but it doesn't mean I have given up on my stories! From now on no more delays! For the people who send me a message with concerns. Very sweet to check up on me! Sorry I disappeared for so long though! **

**I do not own any rights to the vampire academy… They belong to Richelle Mead**

**My Grammar may not be perfect but hopefully, you will like the story! If you have you nothing nice to say I suggest you read something else! Otherwise enjoy ;)**

**Chapter 8 Paging Doctor Belikov, Same day of the month of May DPOV**

DPOV

As a doctor, you learn to deal with a patient's mood. Bad news can be handled in several ways. Sometimes you have to through the anger knowing it is not directed at you. They say don't shoot the messenger, in this case, it is me. So all of it is thrown my way hoping it not to be true. Denial is one of the first things that can occur as a reaction. It is the hardest thing to deal with, telling a person you can't do anything for them. Only they forget it feels like failure to a doctor that very moment. It is not done on purpose, I completely understand their emotions are all over the place. The very reason you go to a doctor is to receive treatment. Way of doing this is avoiding attachment is shutting off your emotions, well in my case it is. If I don't do this I will feel responsible for every patient.

Adrian's anger, however, is directed at me personally. A vein in his neck is throbbing looking like it is going to pop. His eyes are fuming as he is looking down at me. So I do my best to not make any sudden moves. Average heart rate is 80 beats per minute, but when you are angry it increases drastically. The pulse can accelerate to 180 bpm. It also inflates blood pressure from 120/80 to 220/130, increasing the risk of heart attack or stroke. Not the time to think like a doctor Dimitri, let's not piss him more off. Although it is helping me not to become defensive. Took a self-defensive course in case of a violent patient. It is already kicking as I start to evaluate the situation.

* * *

I need to use my doctor's logic not to think of tactics to take him down. Even though it is very tempting to do so I get the upper hand. Not going to run away and definitely can't afford to hesitate. In this case, it is better to solve this with words so we won't draw attention to ourselves. A nurse that passes by looks concerned only I wave her off. Hoping to reassure her I give her a tentative smile nodding it is fine. Hope he isn't under the influence of alcohol or anything. Didn't smell any on him right? He has been smoking severely cause I can smell the cloves. Grimacing I pity the person he sat next to on the plane.

Luckily for me, I have never had a patient that has been unhappy with my work. Nor have there been any encounters needing security these past months. It was a tricky situation though that's for sure. Won't forget it any time soon, thankfully the matter was solved quickly. It was angry spouse upset with her husband. Turned out he had a girlfriend as well. He got in a car accident so both women got called. Yeah, that was not a very pretty sight to see. Pulling hairs, trying to scratch each other's hairs out. You would think they be angry at him. But no, one of the guards, Yuri I believe, received a kick to the groin. Tough motherfucker, he didn't flinch when it happened. However several minutes later we found him howling in pain outside. Claiming one of his testicles got sucked back in. Was quite the kick the girlfriend is a kickboxer instructor.

Fortunately for him, it wasn't the case he did have it severely bruised. I pray that he doesn't know any of those sport. He never was very athletic when he was younger. Not worry that I can't handle him just don't want either of us to get hurt. Also do not want to attract more spectators so it is best to go elsewhere. Unless he has pepper spray that hurts like a bitch. Come Dimitri you are known for being calm. However this Adrian the prick that always gets under your skin. Breathe… breathe… relax… Gritting my teeth, I try to show on the outside I don't care. The problem is that by the look on his face he is ready for a fight. Can I really blame him?

* * *

Seriously don't have time for this though. I really need to be careful with my words. If he is anything like his Uncle I will have a fist for lunch. Ok, not a good idea to think of the one person that makes your blood boil… Clenching and unclenching my fist I repeat my mantra. ~**Wake up, kick ass, be kind, repeat**~ maybe not that one.. at least not now. ~**Don't look back you are not going that way..**~ The corner of my mouth twitches thinking how Rose would react to that. Zen lessons, yeah she would roll her eyes at me for sure.

If it comes down to a fight I can take him but my hands are my bread and butter. A surgeon is nothing without his hands functioning properly. Can't afford to injure them, especially not now! Have to be smart about this, the aggravating thing is, his attitude isn't helping. _'Do you usually let get girls to fall for you only to dump them after a while? Or do you use your accent to draw them in?' _sneering the expression on his face contains nothing but disgust. He is also using an English/Russian accent to emphasize it. You are better than that, Mama taught you to ignore people trying to ridicule you. Why is it so hard to do it now? Oh that's right, cause it is Ivashkov doing it! Barely I am able to keep my tone neutral 'Can we have this conversation somewhere else?' Taking a step back I dust off my pants checking for scrapes or bruises. Distancing myself from him he probably thinks it is out of fear. In this case, it might work to my benefit, at least I hope.

Takes a little bit of effort cause I want to be up in his face pushing back. Studying him I am happy to see I am still taller than him _'Is agent boring Borscht afraid people will get to know "the real Doctor Belikov"._' Taunting me some more I grit my teeth doing my best not to let him get to me. With a fake pout, he is wiping away fake tears with his hands balled up in a fist. FUCK! He reminds me of how Randall used to talk to me. Belittle me every chance he got... He is not him Dimitri, breath…. God, I really despise the Ivashkov family flaunting their riches. His father is a real prize, NOT, he rather cuts off his own hand then give up his money. Internally rolling my eyes at the thought I need to focus on calming down my cousin. Not poke him more! What in god's name is he doing here anyway?

* * *

'WOOSH!' just in time I am able to step out of the way. Sidestepping I see his fist inches away from my nose. Balancing he grabs on to me so he doesn't fall. Doing this he manages to damage my leather duster. Growling I lose it for a few seconds 'Funny.., how dare you judge me of all people.' Grinning I smirk doing the exact thing I shouldn't 'How did you get off your leash anyways? Did mommy and daddy forget to pay for a babysitter to keep you in check?' SHIT! As soon as it comes out I realize how juvenile it sounds. It does the trick, in an instant, he pounces on me again. Unfortunately for me this time he is able to kick me in the shin. Better than being hit in the groin area only it still hurts. 'YEABAT!' Grabbing his arms I pull them behind his back so I can restrain him.

That very moment somebody is trying to get my attention. _'DIMKA! DIMKA!_' the voice sounds so familiar I haven't heard that for so long. 'Ivan?' Jogging towards us I see he still hasn't changed his messy hairstyle. Momentarily forgetting the fuming Adrian my grip loosens. Slamming his head back hitting against my chin what makes me bite my own tongue. The metallic taste in my mouth makes me grimace. 'DAMMIT Ivashkov! What the fuck is wrong with you!' laughing darkly he shakes his head in disbelieve. '_You really have to ask me that? Are you that oblivious?' _jabbing a finger into my chest he still looks like he wants to hit me._ 'She is sick, did you know that? My little rebel showed up on my doorstop heartbroken. Trying to make things right cause she is DYING! DO YOU HEAR ME! FUCKING DYING! WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU, HAH? THAT'S RIGHT! The good old doctor is too busy helping other patients out. Or is it because you are a coward, running away when things get too hot. At least I love her enough to fight._' Snickering he has a certain gleam in his eyes knowing he is getting under my skin.

_'Time to put on your big boy pants. You are going to help her or have your buddy here do it for you! I don't give a rats ass who does it as long as it gets done._' Ivan is watching between us like it is a ping pong game. Narrowing his eyes I see he recognizes Adrian. He is ready to intervene when needed, I admire his protectiveness. When we were younger he did the same thing. No matter how scared he was he stood his ground. Brings back so many memories of us two being beaten only never giving up. My best friend is standing beside me as he used too in the past. I need to make things right with him before I lose for real this time.

* * *

God damn, It is really hard not to hit Ivashkov square in the face. His words are like acid burning into my skin. She must have contacted him, hearing him call **my** Roza by a special nickname has me fuming. I forgot that she dated him before she met me. Or maybe I don't want to remember since he and I don't get along. It is not something I like to hear being thrown at me. He knows, that gleam in his eyes says everything. Also, the fact she went to him first stings, it shouldn't cause I was a god damn fool. The way I broke up with her is something I will always regret. Can't turn back time, unfortunately, so I can only hope she is going to forgive me. Cause I will never forgive myself if she doesn't. Second chances, that is going to be a word that will return many times this month if not year.

Laughing darkly he swipes away a trickle of blood coming from the corner of his mouth. Did I do that? Looking at my hand I see a scratch on my knuckle. DAMMIT! '_Consider this a warning DI. MI. TRI. BEL. I. KOV. you are not the only one who will try to win her back_.' As I growl wanting to take another swing Ivan grabs my arm. _'Don't do it Dimka, walk away.._' breathing heavily I meet his eyes. Filled with concern, grieve, however that's not the only thing I see. He is tired, judging by the circle underneath his eyes he hasn't slept for days. My heartbeat gradually slows down clearing my head from all the angry thoughts clouding my judgment. As Adrian walks away he does the familiar signal with his fingers ' I am watching you'. Mind games are the most dangerous of all. He definitely knows how to play them and how to get in your head.

Cursing under my breath I scold myself for letting him get to me. The slimeball wouldn't do that right? I mean doesn't he have a wife? Or is this his way of.. well whatever it is he is not going to win! Turning I pull my best friend to my chest squeezing him tightly. 'I am so fucking sorry, god, I fucked up man..' will he forgive me? Feeling him slump against me his body starts to shake. My heart breaks as my brother starts crying like never before. Pretty sure he has kept this bottled up inside of him for a long time. Jezus, I feel terrible, when he needed me the most I choose to run. Nice job Dimitri, embarrassed I bow my head in shame.

* * *

Support him by putting my shoulder underneath his arm so that I can guide him to my car. The parking garage for employees is pretty much deserted at the moment. Thankfully this gives us a little bit more privacy. He spots the box with the teddy bear/hamster and a sad smile appears on his face _'She had it send to the hospital a year after the funeral. However, they didn't know you left…_' His gaze wanders off for a moment _'It felt right to send it to you. You had to know that they never blamed you... I never did either.._' Swallowing a big lump in the back of my throat I feel a moment of clarity. Strange.. the whole situation makes me realize something. I always run afraid to hurt the people I love. Only the running hurts them more, so there is only one way to get her back. I need to bare my soul in the most vulnerable way possible. Explain everything, no hiding, everything out in the open no matter what the outcome. One thing I am not good at is sharing my feelings. A voice in the back of my head tells me what I already know.. '_it's the only way Dimitri' _

She isn't the only one I owe an explanation, 'Ivan, I am going to make this right. If you can forgive me for being an asshole. Let's face it that is what I am. The one thing I said I would never do I did. I let you down..' Licking my lips several times they still feel dry. He wants to say something but is holding back like always. 'Say it my brother, get it out you need this…' Quickly back to his feet, he is in my face in an instant '_You are a selfish bastard! I needed you! You fucking ran! MUDDAK! HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME BEHIND! We made a promise to each other! Family is what we called each other!_' trembling with anger he draws back his hand slapping me. 'THWACK!' both howling from the pain he is cradling his hand. I am rubbing my jaw 'FUCK ZEKLOS! You pack a mean punch with those scrawny bones of yours.' The anger fades when he cracks a smile laughing. The sweetest sound now rumbling through both our chests. It is a start to make things right again.

It has been so long since I heard that sound coming from either of us. 'Shitface!' the familiar banter returns as we did the same during our internship 'Monkeybutt!' Patting him on the back I am happy to have my best friend back. We definitely need to talk some more only time is limited at the moment. Sitting in the car I start telling him the whole story explaining everything. '_I hate to say it brother but that is messed up _' grimace knowing just how right he is. We both agree that no matter what we are going to help her. The drive over to my mother's house makes me restless. Parking the car I take off my seatbelt with trembling hands. Inside is the person that owns my heart. No more denying it, she has to power to break it into a million pieces. If she does then I only have myself to blame for it. A chance is all I need, I pray she will give it to me..

Stepping inside it becomes harder to breathe, sitting on the couch holding an old photo album is an angel. The illness has affected her physique greatly only it will never take away her real beauty… Turning her head her eyes widen seeing me 'Roza..'

**Soon RPOV will follow….**


	9. RPOV When May Is About to End

**Hope everyone is safe, people who have loved ones that are sick I hope they recover soon.**

**I do not own any rights to the vampire academy… They belong to Richelle Mead**

**My Grammar may not be perfect but hopefully, you will like the story! If you have you nothing nice to say I suggest you read something else! Otherwise enjoy ;)**

**Chapter 9 Paging Doctor Belikov, RPOV When May Is About to End**

Some lies have truths in them, people tell them out of fear. Whatever reason it is one can be forgiven others are inexcusable. Even my parents hid from me that there was a chance for me to have a dangerous genetic mutation. One that can't be fixed, it makes me angry but also sad. Or did they think it would no longer present itself since it didn't present itself at my birth? I understand you don't tell a four-year-old something like that. Not only wouldn't I be confused I simply was too young. Then again they never expected to die in a car crash either. Nonetheless, the news crushed me more than anything else.

Strange is how when you first know you will die the first thing you do is deny it. Like it will go away by ignoring it, the thought alone makes me scoff. Then you tell yourself that somehow a miracle will happen. Win the lottery by some miracle only you need to buy a ticket in order to do that. By the time you know it won't is when you accept it. Not with open arms cause I am Rose Hathaway. Stubborn is my middle name, ok I don't have one, only it could have been. This doesn't happen after a month, no, oddly enough at the point you stare death right in the face.

One part of me wants to run or escape so I don't have to face him, Dimitri Belikov. Hating him doesn't make it hard, it is the loving him part. Didn't exactly plan to ever see him again. Maybe send a postcard with a warning ~I will be the thing that lives inside your walls~. Sounds creepy enough or just send him a letter. Yeah, that is maybe a better idea cause I don't think I can handle seeing him with another woman. DAMMIT! Why does it hurt so much still? Clenching my fist I try to relax not wanting to upset my heart more. A broken heart that is literally broken from a disease I can't control. Breathe Rose, you can't break down right now...

* * *

Vibrations of my mobile catch my attention ~Alberta~. Swallowing loud my finger hovers over the answering button. When it stops I close my eyes feeling my bottom lip tremble. It won't take long for her to call again. If I remember correctly she had to go to the doctor for a checkup. Deep down inside of me, I wish I could pretend not to have seen the missed call. However, I also know how she needs to vent about the appointment. Usually she receives bad news, then I tell her everything is going to be ok. That she is the strongest woman I know. Reassuring her that no matter what I will always be there for her. LIES! My life is hanging by a thread, time is ticking and all to soon it will stop. The only thing that gives me a bit of comfort is that she won't be alone. If she just gives her neighbor a chance he will be there for her.

He is a perfect gentleman, a priest, only he is thankfully not catholic so allowed to marry. If she will ever give him the light of day. A big lump forms in the back of my throat as it start to vibrate again. 'Bertie' silence, this can't be good, does that mean she had a bad day? '_Rosemarie'_ rolling my eyes I smile hearing the teasing tone. Her mood seems to be good that is a relief 'How did it go with doctor Dawn?' sounding a bit shaky I manage to push away the sadness I am feeling. '_She wants to try indomethacin, a medication that will hopefully decrease inflammation by suppressing the immune systems response. So I will have to take extra vitamins to give it a boost again. Also, I need to take a protective drug to make sure I don't get any peptic ulcers. Those doctor terms always sound like a different language to me.. '_ Rambling on about how she hopes it will also reduce the pain I am happy for her. At least she is getting the help she needs. Hearing it I tell myself especially now it is not the time to talk about things that will dampen her good spirits.

What quickly turns mine into one filled with guilt '_Thankfully you are still a healthy young woman. So you don't need to worry about those things.' _Flinching I feel another stab, I can't hide this from her any longer. However, I can't just say casually on the phone I need to do that in person. Like I should have done months ago. Before I can change my mind the words roll out of my mouth feeling like acid. 'I got some time off from work' more like forever 'So I thought I could stop by to visit, also gives me a chance to go to the graveyard see mom and Baba.' Right away her mood changes from happy to esthetic. Like she is only hearing good news today brightening her whole day. '_That's great! I know a fine young man that will be delighted to hear that.'_ Groaning I pray it is not one from the church community. Not the first time she wants to set me up. Won't definitely be the … biting my tongue it hits me hard. **The last time**, everything I will do from now on will exactly be that.

* * *

Will my last sip of chocolate milk taste the sweetest? A steak that I eat be the best I ever had? It is hard to say, what I do know is that every memory I make I will cherish. As soon as the conversation ends I am faced with my conscience. Or an old woman with the name Yeva to be exact is staring right at me. '_If you leave someone at least tell them why. Nothing is more painful than knowing you are not worth an explanation. Is it not, young child?'_ I huff, cause, first of all, I am not a child anymore even though I act like one sometimes. Hah! Not afraid admitting that, without saying it out loud of course... But still! Pretty sure she has been put on this planet to a) piss me off b) to make sure I am reminded of her scary ability to look inside my head. Cause I really wish I could tell her she is wrong. Unfortunately, I can not do that no matter how much I want to. Damn, this woman! Is there such a thing as witches? Definitely mind readers though, I can already see her sitting there with a glass ball. ' I see, I see...' chuckling amused I try to muffle it not wanting her to notice it.

Studying me for a moment she leaves rolling her eyes at me to were ever she hides. Glaring at her I bet her bedroom looks exactly like those rooms mediums use. Well, the ones you see in a movie don't really think they do that. OMG! What if she is capable of seeing a ghost? Then, my mom must be ratting me out telling her all kinds of things. Although my dad can be very sneaky too. When I hurt myself mostly my mother gave me the tough love treatment. Suck it up it is just a scratch instead of cuddling me. Later my dad would give me a tiny toy or a piece of Turkish delight he kept in his office. It is made of a gel containing sugar and starch with an added flavor. For example, rose, lemon, orange, pomegranate, mint, pistachio even hazelnut. I once tried to find the box unfortunately for me I wasn't tall enough. Even with the use of his desk chair, I was never able to get it.

Beside the couch starts to dip from someone sitting beside me. Olena is holding a big pile of scrapbooks and photo albums. She looks proud, On the first few pages, he smiles brightly in every single picture. When he becomes older it changes like someone has taken it away from me. At the age of thirteen, he is no longer a child. The way he dresses or acts, no longer playing with his siblings. A pang of sadness overwhelms me, no child should be stripped from their youth that soon. It breaks my heart seeing how she is caressing his face. Almost as if she hopes by doing this it will change the past. Closing her eyes I see the pain reflect int them, only quickly she hides it again. She whispers something in Russian then turns the page.

Those are filled with the girls, none of them have Dimitri in it. What happened? '_Dimka became the shoulder I leaned on. My little boy had to grow up too fast. Always helping his Mama.._' I must have said it out loud or it was just a coincidence. It really doesn't matter, however, it makes me see him in a whole different way. Could this be the explanation of his current behavior? Does he feel responsible to make sure his family always comes first? Earning enough money to support them all. Never having them worry if they will able to pay the bill or the food on the table?

* * *

Every minute that passes by I start to look back on the decisions I made. What will he say? Doesn't matter, Rose, he couldn't care less remember. But what if he does? Will it make a difference? Can I really forgive him, certainly won't forget what he said to me. Seeing the time I have left, the question remains. Do I rather spend it with him being happy? Or will I hold on to the anger and die miserably. It isn't easy to do only I owe to myself to try, right? Before he turned cold we had a great time together. It is when I was starting to think of building a future together it all changed. Ok to be fair there isn't much of it left. So that can't be really an issue now...

Sighing I feel the eyes of the old bat on me even though I can't see her. Checking every painting, photo hanging on the wall making sure the eyes don't move. Even though you only see it in the movies doesn't mean it can't happen in real life. Or maybe she is reading my mind at this very moment, oh damn! I certainly hope not, that would be creepy as hell. Mortified I imagine her sitting in a rocking chair with a voodoo doll. Ready to prick it with a needle if I move even an inch from my seat. Bet she put something in the hot chocolate to make me sleepy! Calm down, Rose! Your starting to get paranoid not thinking straight. Don't start to freak out, think of your health instead of crazy theories being watched. Ugh, internal ramblings are the worst!

* * *

'_Rozaaa.._'

Time stands still, he hasn't changed much since last time I saw him. Still, as handsome as ever, you always want your ex to look horrible. Feel worse than you do so you can get some kind of satisfaction out of it. More closely I look I get worried cause I do see that he hasn't slept well for a while. Right away I scold myself for being concerned. He doesn't deserve that after breaking my heart in two. I do my best to keep my face blank. Only it is harder to do especially when I am not able to concentrate. A tear rolls down my cheek, I am broken, maybe that is exactly what he should see. He did this to me, he made me feel like that this.

With trembling legs, I stand up walking towards him. Victoria tries to support me as it hard for me to remain standing. Smiling sadly at her I see something that I don't understand. For I moment I swear I can see my parents standing outside. Holding hands they are both looking at me nodding. The question is, why? Are they here for me? Slipping my head starts to spin, everything around me becomes blurry. Voices sound further away the darker it gets. This is the final moment and I didn't even get to say goodbye properly…. No speech or one last toast but I did see one thing I hoped for. Love, no matter how much he claims not to want me his eyes betrayed him….


	10. June starts

**Life is not going as I was hoping but it doesn't mean I am giving up on the stories!**

**I do not own any rights to the vampire academy… They belong to Richelle Mead**

**My Grammar may not be perfect but hopefully, you will like the story! If you have you nothing nice to say I suggest you read something else! Otherwise enjoy ;)**

**Chapter 10 Paging Doctor Belikov, DPOV June starts**

My body has never moved so fast in my life. The moment I see Roza collapse it feels like I am touched by lighting. Her eyes roll in the back of her head making me instantly panic. When I thought about holding her again in my arms this wasn't the way I pictured it. It would have been after begging her for forgiveness. Send her roses with silly notes even though she hates them. Make a complete fool out of myself by serenading underneath her window. Then have one of the neighbors throw a bucket of water over me hoping it will make me stop. I can't, I won't lose her like this... My breathing becomes ragged as I desperately call out for her, begging her to wake up. All I want to do is break down, scream at the sky hoping he will hear me.

Time seems to go more slowly giving me time to think. Everyone around us is trying to get my attention. Seeking guidance on what to do next cause I am the expert. For a moment I am not "the great" Doctor Belikov that is paged to help a patient. Everything I learned is temporarily gone like it's being blocked. Torn on the inside seeing the other half of my heart fighting to breathe. Has she given up? A small smile on her lips suggests that she has. We are taught to respect the wishes of every patient. Some are hard to understand making you doubt them. This time is different, I can't, if that makes me an asshole. then so be it! I will gladly be the one she curses for not granting them. Despite the horrible circumstances the thought of her glaring at me brings a smile to my face.

* * *

Thank god for Ivan, right away he is checking her pols, breathing all the things I normally do. He is not telling me to back off only telling me what he is doing. Might look silly, a doctor explaining to another doctor what he is doing. Right now I am in distress clinging on to my loved one. You would think that being a one myself I instantly turn on the switch. That without thinking I know what to do cause I do it every day. He knows that is not going through my mind right now. What I do is pray that she will make it, gently kissing her forehead. 'I am not letting you down again my Roza.'

This is why I distanced myself from her, the fear that one day I would see her like this. It all has become a reality, a nightmare I can't wake up from. Helpless to stand on the sidelines listing to another person to tell you the bad news. Words you don't want to hear, 'there is nothing we could do, the chance of the surgery to be successful is less the 25%' things I have said to patients many times. This is not happening, this not happening! Please, please, please... Breathing frantically I see their faces contort, pain written all over it, disbelieve that life can be so cruel. Instead of theirs, it is mine doing the very same thing. Trying to make them understand that symptoms don't always surface instantly. A silent assassin making his way through their bodies slowly killing them. Some heart diseases are more complicated than others. Doing the best you can to calm them down... only I failed... I failed her...my Roza... DO SOMETHING DIMITRI!

* * *

Always trying to make them aware that they have to make sure to live their life to the fullest. No regrets, make sure never to leave the house without saying goodbye. Easier said than done, why didn't I take my own advice? Is my father right? Am I a coward? Messing things up... you are having a panic attack, FOCUS!

The warmth of an invisible hand touches my shoulder briefly followed by an unfamiliar voice. Even though it isn't much louder than a whisper I hear the words crystal clear. As if it can sense my internal struggle '_You can save her Dimitri, our daughter needs you. Hurry!'_ It is like I have been rudely woken up from a trance state. The switch turns back on bringing back all my knowledge with it. Placing her head gently on a pillow I right away start to bark out orders. Back is the man that makes nurses in the hospital nervous. With the reputation that makes the board eagerly tell others to boost their own image. 'Vika! Take my cellphone call Doctor Raznik tell him we are on our way. Mama my bag is in the hallway open it! Give me the intubation kit, my stethoscope with the engravings on there.' The one thing I couldn't part with it cause she gifted it to me. ~Comrade~ she thought it was hilarious seeing my reaction. Glad it wasn't pink, although she probably would have been able to convince me to wear anyways.

* * *

First I need to check her airways, breathing, and circulation in order to transport her safely. 'Roza, Milaya, can you hear me?' No response, so I place one hand on her forehead then gently tilt her head back. Then I lift the tip of her chin only using 2 of my fingers. This will move her tongue away from the back of the throat. Only then it is safe to check her breathing, Rose her chest is thankfully lightly rising and falling. Listing at her mouth than her nose I count to 10 to determine how strong it is. It, unfortunately, contains irregular gasps what isn't good news. Many people would mistake this for normal breathing. However, this means she just has experienced cardiac arrest even though she is still breathing again. The rhythm of her heart is still too weak so if we don't help, it will stop beating again. Straight away I begin CPR, it doesn't take long for Ivan to help me. We always were a well-oiled machine knowing what do to without the other having to say a word.

He already inserted a cannula in the vein of her right arm making it easier to administer fluids. Wailing sounds of a siren of an ambulance lets me know Raznik has sent one. At first, I don't acknowledge the people rushing into my family home. Without making eye contact, I give them an update of the situation I don't stop the CPR until I am sure Rose is stable. One thing is clear she needs help to breathe properly. Intubating is a delicate procedure, it has to be done at the right angle. When her head is properly anchored it is important to open the mouth even wider. The position of the fingers is similar to when you would snap them. Pushing them rather than a spreading motion, you can open it more forcefully. Then you also have to put them as far to the right side as you possibly can. It is important that they are not in the way of the blade. With the tube in place, they can hook her up to a ventilator. Taking a deep breath I try to swallow back the tears seeing her so fragile.

* * *

Not bothering to ask if I can ride with her in the ambulance I just do it. For now, I need to show no emotion this is the most important surgery of my life. In advance, I apologize for how many nurses I will snap at today. Could I leave it up to another doctor to operate on her? This is one of those moments I find it difficult to answer. Looking at my best friend I know the answer. He would do anything in his power to save her. Not only that he trusts me with his life as well. Ivan is speaking to one of the EMTs explaining where to go. '_Doctor Belikov?_' my head snaps up at the woman trying to talk to me. I recognize her, I haven't always been in the best of moods lately. With her voice slightly trembling the odds are she afraid I will snap. She looks like she rather not disturb me 'Celeste is it?' nodding she swallows loud. With Ivan closing the back door he nods then steps into the passenger seat at the front. That very moment the driver speeds of to the clinic alerting them on to radio of our estimated time of arrival. '_Rose_?' right away I turn my head to check if she has woken up. Besides the sound of her heartbeat coming from the heart monitor nothing has changed. '_Oh my god, did you call my aunt? Does she know what happened?'_ Well, that is an odd thing to say…

Pinching the bridge of her nose she starts fumbling with her mobile. 'Celeste, breathe… What are you talking about?' On the inside, I badly want to politely try to tell her to, SHUT UP! GET A GRIP! Or slap her to snap out of it, however, I recognize that look on her face. She knows Rose personally so that must mean she is talking about Alberta. '_I…I…_' muttering to herself to calm down I need to step in. 'Listen to me, now is not the time to freak out.' even though I am still shaken up myself I need her to focus. There has to be a reason that she didn't mention her illness, right? I am not good with the emotions of others 'Breath… I will make sure to call her, ok?' or Ivan, maybe even Mama she is much better with those things I silently add. Strangers, no problem telling them the bad news. This, however, is something completely different. Also, I do not have the time to calm down a person that is completely unaware of the situation. Nodding her head she sits down thankfully putting her phone away.

* * *

In all honestly, I have only one thing on my mind right now and that is save Roza her life. Cause no way I am letting her go without a fight. Kissing her forehead I brush away a stray lock of hair. Hoping she can hear me I whisper the words I should have said sooner. 'Letting you go what is the biggest mistake I ever made. I know the decision you made only I am a very selfish man Roza, I love you too much to let you go…..'

* * *

**ThirdPOV**

Two parents holding hands are standing next to their daughter even though no one can see them. It broke their heart knowing how they saw her struggle to keep going. More then ever they want to comfort her hold her to tell her everything will be alright. The mother knows she blames herself for the accident that cost them both their lives. But they are not angry at her at all only relieved she wasn't in the car with them. She might not know but every step of the way they were by her side. They saw her grow up to be the woman she is today what makes them proud.

Both observe the doctor that is caressing her cheek tenderly. Regret is clearly written all over his face, he is angry at himself even going as far as blaming himself. His aura shows every emotion but the most prominent one is love. Opening his heart, allowing himself to be worthy of her love has changed him. Nodding at each other they smile recognizing how stubborn two people can be. They should know, having done the same thing when they were younger denying their feelings.

What the doctor and the daughter can't see is that their aura's are caressing each other. Reaching out, longing to be together, not wanting to be separate any longer. Nothing will keep soulmates apart not even god...


	11. June, At the Free Clinic

**I hope everyone is safe and stays healthy! No worries Mister ****Ivashkov is just making sure Doctor Belikov stays alert.**

**I do not own any rights to the vampire academy… They belong to Richelle Mead**

**My Grammar may not be perfect but hopefully, you will like the story! If you have you nothing nice to say I suggest you read something else! Otherwise enjoy ;)**

**Chapter 11 Paging Doctor Belikov, June, at the Free Clinic**

Sliding down the wall outside the operating theater I don't have much energy left. Flashes of the last few hours are constantly on repeat in my mind. Like a loop playing over and over again like my worst nightmare, I can't get a break from it. The moment the scalpel cut through her skin there was no going back. Telling myself I done this thousand of times afraid I will mess up. Trying to pretend it isn't Rose laying there on the operating table. Checking every tool that is given to me by the nurses. As a mechanic seeing if he has the right size wrench. Ivan is standing by to step in if I tell him to take over or in case I freak out.

Exposing the most important organ of her body was nerve recking. How will it look? I didn't have time to do an ECG or order an x-ray. Symptoms give you only a small indication of what could be the problem. You don't know what it really looks like until you look inside. To my shock, the damage to her heart was far more severe than I initially thought. Or hoped, cause I knew it couldn't be good when Mama called me. She could have been wrong right? My mother isn't a doctor although she made sure to always pay attention to everything I tell her. Wanting me to be able to blow off some steam when I had a difficult patient. Honestly wouldn't have cared if she had no clue what I was babbling about. One subject however was off-limits. Rubbing my temples I free my hair from its bounds.

* * *

There was a point when I thought new valves wouldn't be enough. Why wasn't much a question, she couldn't afford to pay for her prescription. Rose started to take the ones that would fight the infection. Buying her some time from what in her head was going to be the inevitable ending . Slamming my head against the wall I feel numb. '_Your fault_' if I had been there beside her none of this would have happened. She would have gotten the care she needed. Now she was lost making decisions no 24 years old should be making. Hearing the bad news all by herself, dealing with it the best she could. This stops now, no longer will she be alone, she can curse, call me names but nothing this time will make me walk away.

The hallways start to get more crowded. People are always in need of help, which I am normally would offer. Only now I am not sure I can cause I drained for the first. No amount of adrenaline can provide me a burst of energy. It is better if I move somewhere I can clear my head a little. Standing back up I feel a bit dizzy badly needing some nutrition. A large amount of sugar should help me to stay awake for a few hours. Not having many options I buy a can from the vending machine. Whatever concoction is inside probably will affect my teeth in a bad way. While I am at it I might as well add a few candy bars to the mix to get a full sugar rush. Not something I would advise any of my patients to consume. I would tell them to eat a banana, orange, some brown nice even a cup of coffee is better than this. Needing a change of scenery I step outside into the alley. Breathing in the air from outside my hands start to shake. Fumes of cars replace the smell of disinfection and blood. There was so much that I can still taste it in my mouth. My mind is instantly back in the operating room. Missing the constant beeping of the heart monitor was a comfort but also stressful.

Connecting the breathing tube to a ventilator so it does the breathing is one thing. Technology these days are a blessing making it easier for a doctor. Stopping the heart I worked so hard to keep it beating is contradicting. Tubes inserted into the heart will help together with the heart-lung bypass machine to pump the blood through her body. As soon as the blood is completely diverted into it an injection with a cold solution will stop it. Then the process of reshaping parts of the valves starts so they will function better. Restarting it with the small peddles is the moment I held my breath. Once it starts beating again blood kept in the machine will re-enter it so I can see if the leak was fixed. Not the only moment I prayed to a higher power. When I thought I could breathe the worst thing ever happened. Ivan closed her up sewing her sternum back together.

Putting in the last staple I started to relax, .mistake... She flatlined, two times after the procedure was done. I lost it, screaming at the nurses who weren't working fast enough to charge the paddles. Only they weren't as timid as the ones from the hospital I work with. Stronger, thicker skin like they are used to being screamed at.

Really admire them from not losing their cool. Or they were warned in advance by Ivan whatever it is they did an amazing job. Looking down at my surgical gown it's covered in blood, _hers_. Grimacing I curse out loud that I am still wearing it. If someone sees me now they probably think I murdered someone. Hopefully, the mask together with my gloves are in one of the medical waste bins. My brain is too fuzzy to remember not even going to try to trace back my steps. Clenching my fist the distinct smell of clove cigarettes enter my nose.

* * *

'_Look who it is, have you finally decided to grow a pair'_ the can I am holding crunches as I crush it with my hand. Whatever was still left inside is dripping onto the cold ground. My accent is so thick right now my English barely even makes sense to me. Switching to Russian I know for a fact he is capable of understanding me. 'What do you want Adrian? Are you here to mock me again? Hit me in the face? Give it your best shot I don't have any energy left to defend myself.' Chuckling he stands next to me leaning against the wall. '_Not to burst your bubble Russian warlord' _he pauses for a moment giving me a moment to study him. His eyes are bloodshot, dark circles surrounding them all signs of fatigue. Pretty sure I don't look much better than him '_Here to check on_ _my little rebel_. _Ivan told me the surgery was successful._' Growling I want to hit my best friend for sharing that information with him.

'_Calm down Belikov, I am not stealing her away from you.'_ Don't know why I feel better hearing him say that. Makes me want to hit him a little bit less now '_Although I will still make__ sure to keep you on your toes. For when Rose decided she rather sleep in my bed instead of yours.' _Ok, I take it back I want to strangle him!_ '_That will never happen Ivashkov!' glaring at him he is grinning , the mudak. Breathe Dimitri, don't let this idiot get you, he is not worth it. He is doing what he always does best. Trying to get a rise out of you so you will lose your temper. Closing my eyes I try to focus on the noises coming from the street. Horns of cars blearing, people yelling at each other being impatient. Screams of others panicking in desperate need of help. '_Hoping I will disappear if you pray hard enough?'_ oh for the love of…

'_Here you are Dimka' _I feel a cup of coffee being pushed in my other hand. Smelling it I grin as there is clearly something added to it. Taking a sip I do my best not let out a small moan of relief. Of course, I don't get a chance to take another one when It is snatched out of my hands '_Didn't your mother learn to share' _Ivan shakes his head laughing. '_Now this is good coffee' _rolling my eyes I chuckle as Adrian drinks the rest. For a moment we all stand there staring at the sky. Won't be long for the sun will rise again.

* * *

A reminder again of the duration of the most important surgery of my life. It took 6 hours what normally is could have been done in 4. Complications have never been my favorite word but at that moment I despised it. Before the first incision, I made her a silent promise that this time things will be different. Rose is going to get all the right care this time. No more cutting corners she will get everything she needs. I will take some time off to take care of her when I can. Of course some surgeries I can't cancel but consultations can be done by someone else. It is official, I am done putting my career first!

'_I called Miss Petrov trying to explain the situation.' _Nodding I am glad I didn't have to call her. Mostly cause I probably wouldn't have the same amount patience Ivan has. Unless she is fluent in Russian which I highly doubt. Never had the pleasure of meeting her in person. Not the way I hoped to introduce myself to the strong woman who raised Rose from a young age. '_Your mother booked the first flight available so she should be here in 5 hours. They will pick her up then drop her off at the hospital.'_ No doubt staying as well knowing my family. By that time the anesthetic will have worn off so she will be awake. A little groggy, so she will be in and out of consciousness a few times. First thing on my list is to take a shower to wash off all the sweat from the last few hours. Hopefully, I am able to eat something solid I don't want to collapse beside her bed. Don't plan on occupying the empty one beside her other than using it for a quick nap.

* * *

Without saying another word I make my way back inside preparing myself mentally for what is still to come. How much as I would love to say the surgery fixed everything I can't. So many things can still go wrong. She can get another infection, experience trouble with breathing, run a fever or her pulse can become irregular again. Worst case scenario the operation was too late making the heart too weak to recover. If that's the case she needs a donor what isn't as easy as purchasing milk from the store. For now the only I can do is wait, give it time to recover with the help of **proper** medication. Also, I need to talk to Raznik's daughter to thank her for responding so quickly. All the necessary tools were present upon arrival including the replacement valves. Her father must be proud, she works just as efficiently as he does.

Finding the staff's changing room I take off my clothes then step into one of the shower. Everything is much more basic than back in the hospital. Doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. We are spoiled with all the things available to us. Here they have to make do with things given to them. In the end, soap is soap as long as it does the job the scent is irrelevant. Stuffing my own clothes in a bag that I discarded earlier in a haste. I put on a pair of sweat pants with a t-shirt I found in the lost & found crate. The writings on them make me chuckle for a moment ~_My PEN IS bigger than yours_~. Was the only one big enough that would fit me. Also better than the pink sparkly bra or the feather boa. Not really my style so the silly t-shirt it is.

* * *

Yawning I check in with nurse for a status update then make my way to her room. Rose hasn't woken up yet so I sit down in one of the plastic chairs. They're not really comfortable but it allows me to sit closer by her side. No longer able to keep my eyes open I fall asleep. Familiar voice wakes me up, rubbing my eyes I see my mother talking to another woman. That must be Alberta, before I can open my mouth to say something I feel a weak slap. It startles me more then it hurts so I chuckle. Finally able to open my eyes properly I see my surroundings more clearly. By the looks of it they took out the breathing tube already, that's a good sign. She is still a bit groggy speaking a little slurred. '_You stupid Comrade, I ate you_.' Pretty sure she means hate only it sounds so cute I laugh. Glaring at me for a second she then notices the other people in the room. '_Oh_' pulling the blanket over her head she every now then takes a peak. Probably hoping she is still dreaming or thinks they won't notice her.

'_You are in a lot of trouble young lady' _the tone even makes flinch a little… However, it confirms my initial thoughts, she never told her… Not sure I am in the clear either '_But first I would like to talk to you Doctor Belikov' _ swallowing loud I nod following her to the hallway.


	12. June, after the operation

**Hope everyone is safe, stays healthy! **

**I do not own any rights to the vampire academy… They belong to Richelle Mead**

**My Grammar may not be perfect but hopefully, you will like the story! If you have you nothing nice to say I suggest you read something else! Otherwise enjoy ;)**

**Chapter 12 Paging Doctor Belikov, June after the operation**

When I was younger I learned the hard way not to show my emotions. At least not on the outside or else there were consequences. Even the slightest expression on my face would earn me punishment. Not by getting spanked or hit with a belt, no he would hit my mother. He didn't teach me how to play hockey or ride my bike. Instead, I became stoic the person I am today, people are unable to read how I feel. Always entering a room without anybody noticing I was there. The child inside me wanted to rebel against it. Scream at my parents for robbing me of my childhood. Ready to burst Babushka one day made me sit down then looked into my eyes. For a few minutes, she said nothing only sipped her tea.

'_Once there was a boy who was scared of the giant living in his house. Every day he would come home looking down on him pointing out his flaws. He was a child, helpless, weak, small, fragile, every day he would repeat these things. He did his best to please him by improving those things. Soon he realized it was never going to be enough. Eating his vegetables didn't make him grow fast enough. Improving his grades didn't impress all was pointless. _

_Frustrated he wanted to scream, yell at him for not caring what he did. Only the young boy was afraid that he would hurt him. So instead he said nothing to fight back always hiding in the dark. Also, the giant was taller them him he wouldn't stand a chance. His large shadow filled his life with darkness and terror. He longed for the light only it never seemed to happen. All he wanted was to be loved, receive a compliment for his achievements. No matter how much he tried to please the giant nothing was enough. _

_However, when the boy turned 13 he saw how tall he was. The giant no longer towered over him it was the other way around. Testing his strength he fought the bullies at his school. He felt powerful, so this time he waited at the door. Hearing the heavy footsteps approach he stormed outside with determination. He easily lifted him up using words first to persuade the giant to leave. All that did was make the brute laugh angering him. _

_The boy snapped, punching so hard he heard the bone of the nose crunch. Now the tables were turned he no longer was scared. He saw the giant for who he really was. A pathetic father who will never change…'_

Waiting for her to continue she didn't... Cause the ending would be determined by me. I was the young boy in the story, my father the brute who terrorized his family. No hesitation whatsoever I did what I had to do to send him away. Protecting the ones I love so we no longer lived in fear. It was hard for us financially in the beginning but I wouldn't have changed a thing.

* * *

This however was a totally different situation. Instead, it was a mother figure ready to inflict pain on the one that hurt her daughter. So standing in front of Alberta made me a little uncomfortable not knowing how she will react. Did Rose tell her about me or the way I acted like a first-class dick? Deciding to appear calm on the outside I leaned casually against the wall. For a moment she looks at my t-shirt making her cheeks turn pink. Biting the inside of my cheek so I don't laugh her eyes drift off a little lower. Stopping at my stomach she shakes her head stopping herself. Clearing her throat several times I take it as my cue to start the conversation. 'Not sure what Rose has told you' a little lie 'she still will be a bit groggy for a few hours.' Don't get me wrong she deserves a bit a scolding for not telling her. Looking at her hands as Alberta fidgets a bit with them. This makes me notice how stiff her fingers are. Might not be a rheumatologist but I do recognize the symptoms of arthritis.

Automatically I wonder if she is receiving the right care. Rose didn't ask her for help financially aid meaning things were already tight. Mostly she avoided that subject out of embarrassment. Not that she needed to be I couldn't care less about that. She catches me staring then tries to hide them from me. Like I will judge her for the health problems she is experiencing. Even it isn't by blood I can tell they have that in common. Afraid it will show weakness, ' Has a proper expert looked at it?' Grimacing she rubs them then shakes her head no. '_Please don't tell Rose I don't want her to worry.'_

I take that as a no, resisting to scold her I bite my tongue. Not my place to judge 'Of course, just promise me to hear Rose out before scolding her.' Holding up my hands to stop her from disagreeing with me. I explain my reason for making such a bold request. 'Yes, I do know that her illness is far more dangerous. However, something tells me Rose didn't hide it to purposely hurt you' Her bottom lip begins to wobble, great now you done it, Dimitri! You should have kept your mouth shut but noo! Instead, you hoped this conversation would help with making mends with your Roza. Not yet, baby steps, if I didn't already screw it up… '**Paging Doctor Idiot!**' mentally slapping myself on the forehead I try to think of something else to say.

* * *

Flinging her arms around me she starts to sob, OEF! Her grip is quite strong for an older woman. '_Thank you for saving her life, when..when Dr. Zeklos called I had no idea. She always thinks she can handle things by herself. Don't know what I would have done if you weren't there.._' rambling on repeatedly telling me I am a hero, I still don't feel like one. The guilt for not being there sooner is still gnawing on me. Thinking a deep breath Alberta seems to have calmed down again. Doing a come hither movement with her index finger I lean in closer. Suddenly the air around us feels a little bit colder. She is still sniffing a bit only her facial expression gotten more serious. Nervously I gulp fearing a woman that is at least one foot shorter than me.

Pulling on my earlobe I flinch '_I got my eyes on you young man, I am part of a book club and our favorite genre is murder mysteries. We ladies are quite the expert on that topic.'_ With those words she pats me on then back then walks back into the room. My jaw drops did she just threaten too…?

* * *

Sounds of a disagreement draw my attention to the end of the hallway. I see that Ivan is being cornered by the Belikov woman. Karo is dragging along a Paul who spots me then tries to pull away from her. Huffing he pouts trying to get her attention. Furiously studying the way her fingers are locked around his wrist. Every finger he manages to loosen the others automatically tightens more. Normally I would save him, sorry buddy Uncle Dimka would like to sleep with both eyes closed. When I see Ivan gripping his family jewels then pointing in my direction I grin. Guessing he tried to tell them Rose needs her rest. Also that there is a limitation of visitors that didn't go well with my sisters. They are very persistent when it comes to family. It warms my heart when I realize they care for her like this already.

It only gets more crowed when a woman with platinum blond hair pushes past them. Followed by a guy with jet black hair stumbling trying not to trip. Chuckling I see a petite blond is dragging a guy with fiery red hair by the arm. Wonder who they are here to see both women do not look happy. I pity the person who has to deal with their wraith. Only my eyes widen as they both point at me with a scowl on their face. Do I run? No, stand your ground it is all bark no bite right? Too late…

With her hands on her hips she is studying me '_Yep, this is him alright!'_ Yebat! Should have run or at least cover the most sensitive parts of my body. Looking for an escape route I only have two choices. One is going into Rose her room that will be crowded by my family. Second one is to simply to run what will only delay the inevitable but still sound appealing. '_Shoot him in the kneecaps Mase!'_ hold on now…. '_No kick him in the shin it has very little muscle or fat.'_ Slowly stepping back I bump into someone. Turning around the girl doesn't look happy with me either holding a little boy '_Ladies let's not plot this man's torture_'. Guess Adrian can be helpful '_better to do it when the little rebel is able to take care of herself again_.' Or not…..

* * *

Then I am pulled away by my arm roughly ending back outside. Thankfully Ivan is still on my side, letting out a deep breathe he is leaning against the concrete wall. '_You got my back right?' _raising my left eyebrow in a way of asking him to elaborate that. '_With your diabolical sisters' _grimacing, I give him a dangerous promise 'Anytime'. We can both hide, right? I read that just outside of Sioux Falls there is the Corn Palace. Bet we can hide there for a while selling t-shirts with cheesy slogans. ~**Nothing corny about my palace**~ or ~**One place I won't be popping by**~. Or a more drastic measure like hiding among those people who live off the grid. Living in a cave with no plumbing or electricity being one with nature. Yeah, let's not that do that I very much like to have both those things.

Not much later we are joined by the two other guys who are holding up their hands in surrender. Wait... isn't that Tasha's nephew? He probably doesn't remember me since he was only a little boy when I saw him. ' Christian?' confused he nods his head 'We went to the same university as your aunt.' Not really having the energy explain further I introduce myself. He is dating the blond nurse who wrote me a letter containing all the information about Rose her medical condition. Funny enough, Ivan knows this since she works in the same hospital as him. Mason is dating Mia who also has written me one only I haven't read it yet. He is a security guard at a mall which explains the shooting comment I guess. Christian however works at a free clinic in Arizona. It seems they were planning to celebrate all the holidays together as a last goodbye.

* * *

Doing my best not to show how broken I am I listen to them telling me how they met her. It isn't difficult to see how much they care for Rose. Especially with how hard all of them tried to find a solution for the lack of funds. Starting a go fund me campaign online hoping to raise enough money. Also, they show me the list she made with things she still wanted to do before she died. Seems that Lissa found a copy when Rose was discharged from the hospital. I vow to make sure all of those things will be checked of. Only this time I cross off before I die part replacing it with life goals. Adding a few things myself what I promise to do with her. Getting up my body clearly has become a little stiff from all the stress. Stretching I hear a satisfying pop then yawn a few times.

When I tell them I am going back inside they follow me hoping the ladies all cooled off a little by now. I check in by nurses station leaving a message for Reznik's daughter together with my phone number. When I am about to see how Rose is doing chaos breaks out. Doctors run through the hallway preparing for incoming patients. When stopping a nurse who assisted asking what's wrong she tells me the situation. Apparently an ambulance who was on the way to the hospital crashed nearby. The patient they were transporting is in terrible shape he had just been resuscitated. His husband was riding along with him, he wasn't wearing a seatbelt, unfortunately. Causing several fractures, internal bleeding all of it screams critical. The driver has the least life-threatening injuries. Broken legs are no picnic to recover from but at least he is conscious now. What I didn't expect is to hear the name of the technician riding along. **Celeste**, while trying to brace herself she lost her balance. There was another car involved the passengers are women who just had a bachelorette party.

She together with a few other urgent patients are being brought here since they won't survive long enough to reach the closest hospital. Something is lodged inside her stomach what however is still unclear.

Without needing to ask both Ivan and Christian spring into action as we prepare for the worst. Guess the volunteering starts a little sooner as expected. A female screaming together with a code blue has me on edge. Cursing loud I make my decision running the other way. My feet thump against the vinyl floor as I run through the hallway. Ignoring everyone else I pray to god that the crash cart isn't meant for my sweet Roza….


	13. Waking up in June

**Hope everyone is safe, stays healthy! **

**I do not own any rights to the vampire academy… They belong to Richelle Mead**

**My Grammar may not be perfect but hopefully, you will like the story! If you have you nothing nice to say I suggest you read something else! Otherwise enjoy ;)**

**Chapter 14 Paging Doctor Belikov, Waking up in June**

RPOV

Waking up my body is humming as if it strangely aware of a presence. Is there going to be a bright light? Are the stories of people who claimed to have their loved ones greeting them. If so, would I first see my parents welcoming me after such a long time? Forgive me for what my younger self did causing them to be the victim of a car accident. Swallowing loud I keep them closed for a little longer afraid to see their disappointment. As my heart beats faster I hear a beeping growing more erratic. That can't be, right? Huffing annoyed I do my best to block the sound out focusing on a scent.

A comforting blanket surrounding me eases my mind of the previous worries I had. The cologne is familiar yet it isn't something Baba would wear. The warm hand stroking mine feels nice I am eager to see the person attached to it. Voices grow louder making me want to open my eyes. Blinking a few times the man standing beside me is handsome. His dark brown eyes match his silky hair making me swoon a little. Wanting to touch him my hand reaches out to carefully caress his cheek. That is until I notice who it is, intending on slapping him hard it is only a little tap. My body isn't strong enough still weak from the operation probably. WAIT, WHAT! Anger bubbling up inside me I say the first thing that comes to mind. My voice however doesn't seem to get the memo only sounding slurred.

* * *

Then he has the audacity to laugh at me, ME! Glaring or an attempt to as my eyes are slightly out of focus. No wonder he looked like an angel, damn him, ugh even being angry I want his comfort. What is even more ridiculous cause he is the reason I am feeling that way, to begin with. Only all of it fades away when Alberta is looking at me. Oh boy, I know what she is thinking right now all too well. The cat is out of the bag only this one has claws ready to scratch me. Do you know the quote '_Don't lie, because the same people who believe your lies are also the ones who believe in you?' _Yeah, she has that one printed on a magnet hanging on the fridge at home. Every time I tried sneaking out it was staring at me making me feel guilty. Eating away until I blurt it all out confessing everything. Sure I kept some things to myself but only small things. Crushes I had on boys, or the need for money for items I had to buy for school.

Rather wore a second-hand school uniform than for her to break her back making extra money. She wouldn't complain about either '_When you have children of your own you will understand Rosemarie. Smile on your face gives me more satisfaction than an extra penny in the bank'._ When my classmates worried about the latest fashion I just wanted her to be proud. That is not what I am seeing right now, disappointment, the worst then anger. Selfishly I felt a little relieved when she asked to talk to Dimitri first. A few more seconds for me to breathe, try to think of what to tell her.

* * *

'_My mother once said when it comes to truth and lies she rather hear the painful truth than a comforting lie.' _ Sitting on a plastic chair is Olena knitting some kind of scarf or sock I can't tell the difference. When meeting her she already made it clear she didn't approve of me lying. Although she wasn't the first one to tell me that hers had the most impact. Maybe being a mother herself or the fact I was more aware that moment my times had come. All I know is that I don't have a snappy retort to that cause she is right. By trying to protect her I hurt Alberta more and there is nothing I can do to make it better.

Don't notice anyone coming back after she spoke cause my eyes close as I drift off again. Waking up a third time, or fourth I seriously wouldn't know. It becomes a little hard to tell if it was all a dream or reality. Snorting I shake my head, certainly not all of my friends would be here to see me. Or that his whole family is concerned about how little old me is doing. Feeling nauseous I swallow back the bile threatening to coat the inside of my mouth. Gross, the taste always lingers way too long making everything taste sour. In the hallway, I hear screams combined with a lot of other loud noises. A blur of crash cart rushes by my room making me frown. Putting my hand on my chest I feel a pressure that causing me to have trouble catching my breath. As if I am suffocating, my eyes widen filled with fear but soon it is gone again. Probably is just my body remembering the day I got rushed to the hospital. Those memories still haunt me of how I got bombarded with that goddamn awful news. Changing my life making me remind of all my failures. Nothing to worry about, right?

* * *

Pounding of shoes startles me, with wild eyes he storms into the room. Closing my eyes hoping he will go away he instead drops to knees crying. Kissing my hand over and over again he is breathing loud. Whispering words I never thought he would say. Thanking whoever it is that I am still alive, that he wasn't ready to lose me. He is glad that he has gotten a second chance to redeem himself. He sounds broken, the stoic Doctor Belikov is showing me his vulnerable side shocking me. Choked up I wasn't prepared for him to act this way. Don't get me wrong I am still angry at how he ended things. Only not to the point that I feel like he doesn't deserve my forgiveness. Kissing his hand in return he watches me carefully trying to figure out how I will react.

Surprising myself and definitely him I tug him closer kissing him on the lips. Ignoring the stabbing pain in my side I get lost in it. Soft warm lips caressing against mine carefully not to overstep. Taking control gently pushing my tongue between the seam of his lips. Then tasting sour candy I giggle making him smile in return. Expected many things, from a healthy smoothie, coffee, even chocolate milk. Sick of all the anger I choose to be happy, pretend I am not lying in a bed recovering from surgery. Yawing I feel that I am getting tired again but refuse to give in. Stabbing pain is back again, grunting I rub my chest again wanting it to stop. I had it before only not this intense like it is trying to prepare me for something. Frowning Dimitri looks concerned holding up the bag dangling beside my bed. Normally it should contain some yellowish fluid by now. Ok, ok, urine, pee, tinkle, wizz, piss! Just wish I could have used a toilet instead. '_Roza, did a nurse empty it while I was gone?' _Not even letting me answer the question he lifts up the covers at my feet.

* * *

Chuckle I see they are swollen, including my ankles and even my legs. Did I suddenly gain weight without knowing it? Peaking underneath the covers I pout as my breast have remained the same size. Immediately I want to slap my palm against my forehead for having such weird thoughts. My thoughts are all over the place like I drank too much? Giggling I wonder if instead of a saline solution they put vodka in by mistake. 'Well I guess I have to start training them with ones of those paddle thingies old people use. ' Clearly he doesn't find it funny making me sigh. 'Ugh Comrade, why so serious? Turn that frown upside down!' Making funny faces only makes him look more worried, such a party pooper!

Wincing my breathing turns into panting, he right away is in "doctor serious" mode again. Pressing the red button to call for a nurse, Dimitri grabs one of those sleeves that measures your blood pressure. They always feel too tight, whining he ignores me continuing to investigate my body. This is definitely not how I want him to examine me, would be with little less clothing. Ok, more sexy clothing cause this hospital garment doesn't cover much either. When the nurse comes storming in he points at my chart he is holding. Her eyes are taking in what he has written down. After a few seconds of silence, he then starts rattling off a list of what she needs to do. Expecting to tell him to take a hike she instead nods.

* * *

The cart she rolls into the room contains an ultrasound machine. His accent is clearly thicker now '_I just want to make sure everything is alright. Some symptoms you are having are a bit alarming but I could be wrong. Promise it won't take long..' _ Nodding I let them do their thing although the 'imagine test' as he calls it is very unpleasant. Had nothing to do with closing your eyes fantasizing about being on an exotic island. After that it is a waiting game, drumming his fingers doctor Belikov doesn't like it. What isn't he telling me? When I open my mouth to ask, another person enters the room. Clearing his throat several times he first looks at me then at Dimitri.

'_You were right to call for a blood test it seems Miss Hathaway her creatinine levels are not normal. Usually, the body filters them out with the help of your kidneys. The ultrasound shows…'_ Gritting my teeth I scream inside my head not wanting to hear it. The two words he ended with however became an echo inside my head '_kidney failure, kidney failure, kidney failure…'_ Again my body had let me down, making it hard for me to believe I had gotten a second chance.

Was I to blame for this? I did let everything up to fate, not taking all the medication I should. Or is it a sign? Am I postponing the inevitable…' _We need to determine if dialyzes is enough to repair to damage or if she needs a transplant.'_ Is that enough or will I have another complication? Walls are closing in on me again making it hard to digest this new information 'I need to think about it.' They both look shocked hearing me say that. Especially after having surgery not so long ago what should extend my life. 'Please Comrade, I can't… I just want to be alone' Defeated I turn away so I don't have to face both of them. Gone is the happy moment, all that is left is numbness consuming me. Ignoring everyone that comes in trying to talk to me I close off from the world. Do I keep fighting or was I right to think I never meant to survive it all? Things are constantly being thrown at me.

* * *

The door closes '_Little rebel_.' Frozen I dare not to look at him, the last time we saw each other things didn't end well. What is he doing here? Not caring if I face him or not he starts talking '_When you broke up with me it felt as if my heart was ripped out of my chest. Many times I thought the only solution to stop the pain was to take my own_ life.' Flinching my mouth becomes dry making it hard to swallow._ 'Desperation makes you go crazy'_ He takes a deep breathe 'I_ didn't understand why it ended the way it did. Wasn't I good enough for you? Struggling with the darkness inside me I started drinking. No longer caring how I looked I stopped showering. Didn't bother to brush my teeth, shave or most importantly eat. My mother might not always show it but she was scared of losing me.'_

Turning I see the sorrow in his eyes, his clothes are rumpled. Usually dressed in the finest clothes he now only is wearing a tank top. '_One day a woman is standing at my door looking like an angel. She was sent to clean up the mess I created. Instead of letting her in, I started yelling at her to get lost. But my sweet buttercup wouldn't have any of it. Snorting she pushed passed me doing the job she was hired to do. Days went by, I started looking forward to her stopping by. __Deliberately making a mess so she would stay longer.'_ A small smile appears on his face '_First, she wanted nothing to do with me of course. I like to say it was my good looks persuading her. However, she would most likely smack me on the head hearing that.' When you showed up at the door I saw a ghost of the past I wanted to forget. Old wounds got ripped open again. Pain I thought was in the past came back with full force. Instead of embracing it, I crumbled letting it fester until I exploded.'_

* * *

Swallowing his adam's apple is bobbing up and down. Tears are rolling down his cheek making me want to wipe them away. I am not worthy of those, why am I always hurting him? Knew I should have never made that stupid list. All of this could have been avoided. He deserves so much better…. Tucking a lock of hair behind my ear he closes his eyes. Then without warning, he presses his lips against mine.

He answering the note I left, this his way of showing he will always love me too. Even though we belong to another he owns a small part of my heart. As I will have a part of his. Pressing his forehead against mine he barely gets the words out '_Please Rose, don't break my heart again by giving up I will not survive it..' _Licking my lips no words come out of my mouth.

_He isn't the only one whose heart you will be breaking_... The whispering inside becomes louder tired of being ignored. After hearing Dimitri open up finally I told him to leave. _Coward.._, nothing is making any sense right now. Blinking my eyes I feel my cheeks getting wet. Only it isn't coming from my eyes, _Adrian… _His salty tears are dripping onto my cheeks as he kisses me one more time. Without another word, he steps away walking out the door. Pausing for a few seconds he grips the farme of the door. My eyes go to his right shoulder blade... I don't need to see the whole tattoo up close in order to know what it is.

* * *

A small replica of the heart he painted with the rose wrapped around it. The wall I build to keep myself from losing it crumbles. Then all I see is Dimitri praying for me to come back to him. Promises he is making to do better this time. My mind is swirling driving me crazy seeing the faces of the people I love. Not knowing how much time has passed when all that is left to see is the white glaring at me. Nobody is standing by my side holding my hand. Is this not the very thing I hoped never to experience ever again. Crying until I had no tears left, desperate to no longer have to face everything by myself….

Cause that is what I am again, **alone! **I crack, I don't want to die… I WANT TO LIVE GODDAMMIT! Looking up as if I can see the sky peeking through the cracks of celling I pray. 'Give me a sign please, that I deserve to live…I am begging you…_'_ Either I am hallucinating or dreaming as I see a hand reaching out to me. Brushing my cheek I feel the warmth of it even though it is translucent. It reminds me of my mother when she put me to bed checking on me. Then it is gone 'Thank you' if this is how my life is supposed to be then I will face anything he throws at me. Only this time I refuse to do this without anybody. I need you Dimitri Belikov cause without you I am incomplete...


End file.
